


The World Was On Fire

by Reylo_Stormborn



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A mishmash of Star Wars terms and places, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Kidnapping, Ben Solo is an angsty boy, Dreams and Nightmares, Eadu, Eventual Smut, F/M, Feral Bread Baking Rey, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Bond Sexual Situations (Star Wars), Human Rey (Star Wars), I'm new here, Jealous Kylo Ren, Kylo Mopes In A Cave, Kylo Ren is a dragon shifter, Kylo is an idiot, Minor Violence, Peak Emo Space Prince, Poe Dameron is a Good Friend, Puppies, Remember when I said Kylo was an idiot, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Sex Dreams, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, So much angst, Some magic, Space portals not spaceships, Touch-Starved Rey (Star Wars), Touched-Starved Ben, Virgin Kylo Ren, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), fated mates, gemstones woo, rey has trust issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-04-24 20:53:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22237228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reylo_Stormborn/pseuds/Reylo_Stormborn
Summary: She smells like home. Home, which was rain, and wet earth, and cold, sharp winds howling through the mountain valleys.The thought filtered through his consciousness at almost the same instant that he caught her scent. It cut through the bombardment of other aromas inherent to this world; sewage, the acrid smoke of the blacksmith’s fire, and the constant, oppressive reek of unwashed humanity. On any other day Kylo Ren would sneer in contempt at this squalid planet and its inhabitants, but today...today his thoughts were suddenly consumed withher.Or, Kylo Ren is the Crown Prince of a race of dragon shifters and he's about to find out that his soulmate is human. It does not go well. *UPDATED SPORADICALLY*
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 369
Kudos: 416





	1. What was the goddess thinking

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic, so please bear with me as I figure things out. And brace yourself for probably chronic misuse of Star Wars terms and places. I'm doing a lot of research but I am still relatively new to the fandom. For some of it I'll beg you to suspend disbelief..if the misuse is glaring feel free to educate me!
> 
> This fic is dedicated to my beloved Reylo group text ladies, J, T, and A. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

_She smells like home_. __Home, which was rain, and wet earth, and cold, sharp winds howling through the mountain valleys.

The thought filtered through his consciousness at almost the same instant that he caught her scent. It cut through the bombardment of other aromas inherent to this world; sewage, the acrid smoke of the blacksmith’s fire, and the constant, oppressive reek of unwashed humanity. On any other day Kylo Ren would sneer in contempt at this squalid planet and its inhabitants, but today...today his thoughts were suddenly consumed with _her_.

He came to stop in the middle of the busy lane, the rest of the crowd eyeing him but giving him a wide berth as they parted around him. If his fine clothes, feral beauty, and inherent arrogance weren’t enough to mark him as someone of importance, his imposing height-a head taller than every other man in the street-gave away his true nature.

_ Draka_. Dragon shifter.

No one dares say the name aloud, but even the most isolated of peasants could identify one of the Draka immediately. No one in this world had ever seen them in their beastly form-some magic prevented them from making the change- but even walking as human they were easily recognizable as...other.

Kylo took no notice of the stares. His heightened senses knew that she was somewhere to the northeast, and his brain, more beast’s than man’s in that moment, had started a thrumming chant of _mine mine mine mine mine_. The word throbbed through him like the beating of a drum, his heart matching the pace. He let his instincts carry him towards her, weaving through the market that sat just within Hanna City's gates. Her presence was a magnetic pull and he was frantic to find her, this female who had suddenly turned his world upside down. _Mine_.

A whispered rebuttal slithered through his mind. _Hers_.

His pace picked up as he found himself in an unfamiliar part of the city. Markets and shops had given way to quieter, mostly empty backstreets, and he realized his path was heading toward the large stables that took up almost an entire street. She was so close now, and he filled his lungs with the cool, fresh smell of her. It was more than a scent, though-it was a knowledge, an awakening in Kylo’s dragon soul that knew that this was his mate, the perfect match that the goddess had chosen for him. His dragon was alert, prowling just under the surface and surging with a primal, ancient readiness to claim.

And be claimed in return.

He strode through the large, open double doorway, and there she was. A young woman paused at the end of a long row of stalls, pushing a wheelbarrow, a pitchfork precariously balanced across the top. His eyes devoured every detail; the long, lean muscle of her exposed arms and calves, light brown hair pulled back into three buns. Bright hazel eyes in tan, even features. She was thin, almost to the point of looking malnourished, but other than a flash of concern for her well-being he realized her size didn't matter. He had no preference now. _She_ was his preference.

She was perfect. She was his. He would take care of her now.

Then his nose caught up to his eyes, which caught up to his brain, where neurons finally resumed firing and he realized in horror that in his initial elated stupor he had missed one very important detail.

She was...human.

** *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* **

The draka still hadn’t said a word.

He’d stalked through the stable doors a moment ago, his eyes locking on her immediately. Rey hadn’t had the easiest of childhoods, but she could honestly say that for the first time in her life she felt hunted. She’d frozen at the initial force of that predator gaze, a lapse that would infuriate her later, but in her defense, she had never before been the intense focus of an enormous, rapidly approaching dragon shifter. But now he just...stood there, in his fine black clothes, clenching and un-clenching his fists and blinking at her in what she thought was disbelief. Inexplicably, Rey felt vaguely insulted.

“Are you in need of some assistance?” she asked crisply, mildly impressed at her own forwardness. Never mind the fact that she was pushing a wheelbarrow full of manure, or that she undoubtedly had straw in her hair. She had broken the silence first, and somehow against this...this...towering-but-mute bastion of masculinity, it felt like a win.

His dark eyes hadn’t left her for a second, but at hearing her voice his gaze flew to her mouth. He took a half step forward before his fists clenched again and he swallowed, seeming to search for words.

“Who is your father?”, he finally ground out.

An excellent question. But none of his business, even had she known the answer. Rey tipped her chin up. “Don’t have one”.

Another fist clench. A sigh. “Who is your guardian, then?”

Rey tipped her chin a bit higher, and narrowed her eyes. “Don’t need one.”

He frustratedly ran a gloved hand through his hair. His brusque manner was rapidly getting on her nerves, but Rey couldn’t deny that the draka had glorious, glossy black hair. It framed his long, pale face in soft waves, countering the bold, unusual angles and dark, hard eyes. It was a face she could almost find appealing...almost. The appeal was ruined every time he opened his mouth.

“Do you have _any_ family in the city? Anyone responsible for you?”

Rey decided that she had had quite enough. She still had seven stalls to muck, and the 20 fathiers within Plutt’s stables weren’t going to feed and water themselves, now were they? And she absolutely _was not_ required to inform this rude stranger that she had absolutely no one in the way of family. Maybe once there had been someone who cared for her, but whoever they were...they had never come back. Or, maybe, she had simply always been unwanted. She tried not to think of it.

She put down the wheelbarrow and placed her hands on her hips. Though he was clearly vexed, the draka’s eyes tracked the movement, lingering on her waist perhaps a moment longer than necessary.

“Look, I have a lot of work to do. So either explain why you’re asking me these pointless personal questions, or be on your way. You’re starting to upset the fathiers.”

He looked around for the first time, as if just now noticing his surroundings. She wasn’t lying; the tall, graceful creatures were anxious, snorting and waving their heads, the occasional hoof striking a stall door. Little was known about the dragon folk, but it was impossible to miss that animals were skittish in their presence. Rey attributed it to their superior good sense. They recognized a predator when they saw one, and she envied their immunity to pretty eyes and carnal magnetism.

Where did _that_ come from?!? She mentally shook her head, firmly reining in the bizarre new direction of her thoughts. The stranger had been in her presence all of two minutes, and he’d spent the entirety of those two minutes being an ass.

_ An ass with pretty eyes is still an ass_.

“Well?”, she challenged.

He still bristled with tension, but fixed her with a long, searching look. His throat worked several times, and she was surprised to find herself anxious to hear what he might say. What did a draka want with _her_? Why was he asking about her family? She was nobody; abandoned by her parents for reasons she didn’t know, and convinced herself she didn’t care about. All she had was her skill with animals, and even that had only gotten her this low paid job as a stable hand for a man she despised. But as her boss Unkar was horribly fond of reminding her, what better future really existed for a backwater foundling?

His intense, almost palpable gaze swept over her one more time, and Rey wondered at the emotions she saw in their black depths. Anger simmered on the surface, certainly, but lurking beneath that..confusion, conflict, even a touch of desolation. And that couldn’t be…

_Hunger_.

In the end, the draka said nothing. With the barest nod of his head, he turned and left.

** *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-***

His hands ached from being repeatedly clenched against reaching for her. His gut roiled with the wrongness of walking away. The initial, euphoric adrenaline of the mating bond had faded in the horror of his discovery, but while his mind rebelled, his body and dragon did not. The urge to return to her, sweep her up in his arms and carry her off was staggeringly intense.

He ground his teeth, struggling to channel the longing for her, and the despair that he might never be rid of his ever present loneliness, into the safety of anger, an emotion he wore like familiar, worn-in armor. His heavy, menacing stride faltered, and in a flash of helpless rage he drove his fist through the mudbrick wall of a nearby shed. He froze with his head bent, fist still plunged through the wall, and tried to calm his ragged breathing. He could still smell her.

She was human. This would never work. _It had to be a mistake_. No draka in living memory had ever been mated to a human, who were _at best_ regarded by his kind as only fit to serve, at worst as little better than the nerfs that gazed in the southern hemisphere of the Draka homeworld. If Lord Snoke ever learned of his human mate...Kylo’s skin crawled imaging his Master’s reaction. He told himself it was the shame of being bonded to such an inferior species and not the fiercely protective instinct of the mating bond.

_ We will not let Snoke touch her_, his dragon growled.

We’re_ not even going to touch her_, he growled back.

She was nobody. A stable hand. She shouldn’t have a part in this story. In his story.

Still. She had been so achingly lovely, fierce and uncowed by his admittedly intimidating presence. Even his own species regarded him, the heir to the Scaled Throne and apprentice to Lord Snoke, with no small amount of wariness. And she had no family, no one to cause trouble when he took her away...if he took her away.

With a grunt he pulled his fist out of the crumbling hole in the wall and continued retracing his steps to the main road. Before becoming aware of the girl he had been on his way back to the affluent neighborhoods of Hanna City, where the official Drakan embassy and private residences were located.

The Draka and human worlds had trade alliances and mutual permanent embassies, but their formal relations would never be described as harmonious. They treated with the humans out of necessity, and an overfondness for Corellian wine, a libation unable to be cultivated in the stormy, mountainous Draka homeworld of Eadu. For that matter, nothing could really be grown on Eadu, but the rocky planet was abundant in various and valuable minerals and gemstones with which to trade. And the human world was more than happy to provide Eadu with human prisoners to work the mines and refineries. It was an uneasy partnership based on mutual benefit, and mutual disdain.

Kylo was a tight coil of crackling tension by the time he strode into the opulent mansion of the Drakan embassy and swiftly made his way to the portal chamber. He had much to think on. Decisions to make. But first, he desperately needed to get back to Eadu and unleash his aggression as only a dragon can.


	2. Unpolished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe crossed his arms and leaned nonchalantly against the doorway. Like seething Dragon Princes showed up on his doorstep most mornings.
> 
> “So...who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?” His smug, carefree grin hadn’t changed in the years since Kylo had seen him. Goddess, he loathed this man.
> 
> “I require...I am asking..for your assistance.” He cleared his throat. “On a personal matter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I had hoped to have this posted sooner, but...life. Also every time I went to proof read and post it I kept adding words here, a thought there, spending hours researching properties of kyber crystals and what types of rock exist in the Stars Wars EU...normal stuff.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos and comments! Truly an adrenaline rush, every time.

The massive black dragon stood at the top of narrow ridge. The slate mountainside crumbled beneath its claws, and the destruction left in its wake helped to sooth the jagged edges of its rage. Torrential, unending rain blew sideways against it, the water instantly turning to spiraling tendrils of steam upon contact with the hot scales. It was motionless but for the occasional stream of smoke from its nostrils.

Stretching out behind it for miles was a scorched and scored trail of ruin where it had burned, crushed, and obliterated whatever it could reach. Like most of the planet, there was nothing around but bare mountains and endless canyons of black, rocky spires that faded into the mist-cloaked night.

It was always night on Eadu. Constant, oppressive cloud cover and storms meant that sunlight never reached the planet, and daytime was only distinguishable as a cobalt hued glow that did little to illuminate the rocky landscape. The most reliable light source was the lightning that flashed with numbing regularity.

It was an environment entirely suited to hotblooded, moody dragons.

Its rage spent, the dragon unfurled its wings and with one mighty downward beat launched itself into the air. It turned a few slow, lazy circles, dispassionately surveying the damage with unblinking eyes. Satisfied, it turned south.

Forty foot wide taloned wings swiftly propelled it onward despite the strong winds that buffeted its massive, streamlined body. It wove in and out of the canyons, catching updrafts and currents but maintaining a mostly steady course through the punishing conditions.

Eventually a towering mountain peak appeared through the gloom. Lights twinkled and beckoned from balconies scattered across the mountain’s side, haloed in sparkling blue mist. The dragon beat its wings and gained altitude, heading for one of the lights near the mountain’s top. 

As it approached the ledge it beat its wings backward to slow down and land on the outcropping. Seconds before its back legs touched down the beast suddenly _blurred_, a swirl of black shadow and scales. In the space between heartbeats the dragon was gone, leaving a tall man to gracefully land on the rock with barely a pause. Lightning skittered across the skies behind him and rain lashed his body as he strode purposefully through the arched opening and into the mountain itself. 

The balcony led straight into his quarters, the entrance magically warded to only allow him through. The apartment was lavishly appointed, aurodium and silver veins gleaming in polished walls and columns. With a wave of his hand he activated the glowstones strategically set within the rock walls. The soft light brought into relief that dozens of variously sized rubies scattered throughout the room. To all Draka gemstones emitted a perceptible, low vibration, but rubies had always sung sweetest for Kylo Ren.

He absorbed the gemstones’ familiar, energizing vibrations as he crossed the room to a large wardrobe. Pulling out a black cloak, he shrugged it across his wide shoulders, and strapped a trio of matching daggers to his thigh, side, and left bicep. Then he reverently plucked a small, unpolished Tumanian ruby from a shelf in the wardrobe and slipped it in his pants pocket. If polished it would have been a brilliant bloodred color, incalculably rare and priceless. Unpolished it was dull, rough and uneven on the outside, but visible at the stone’s center was a brilliant scarlet flame.

It had been his talisman, of sorts, since childhood. It was worn nearly smooth on one side from years of his thumb rubbing circles into it. The small repetitive movement had always helped center him as a boy, when his emotions grew to big for his young body.

He was centered now, his anger no longer a fiery inferno but a fine-tuned instrument. And he now had a plan.

The girl was a liability, but one that he could contain. Hidden and guarded in the human world, there was no reason to believe that her existence would interfere with his life, or the plans Master Snoke had for him. But under no circumstances could the soulmate bond be completed.

Unbidden, he recalled the intensely awkward conversation he’d had with his father as he’d gone through puberty and taken dragon form for the first time. With a red face and zero eye contact, Han had stumbled through the details of how a soulmate bond was sealed. Once the bond was awakened, there must be a blood exchange, and the union consummated twice; once in human form, once in dragon form. Once the three stages were completed, Draka mates would experience each other’s pain, could share their life force to heal each other, and speak telepathically within certain distances, among other things. But that was between two Draka; he had no idea what limitations there could be with a human. He had no intention of finding out.

Kylo trusted in his ability to resist the bond’s compulsion. His entire future depended on it.

_Her safety depends on it_, the dragon rumbled warningly.

He slammed the wardrobe door shut. _Perhaps the goddess should have considered her safety before binding us_, he responded bitterly.

With heavy footfalls he walked to wall where a fist sized ruby was inlaid in the stone wall. Pressing it, a doorway swung open before him revealing a small, circular room. Inside was his own personal inter-dimensional portal to the human realm, a perk of being the Crown Prince. A stone doorway stood in the center of the perfectly round room, two sandstone slabs connected at the top by a lintel. From the center of the lintel was a glowing blue crystal that pulsed softly, its light casting undulating blue waves on the carved stone walls . Glowing with the same hypnotic light were dozens of ancient Aurebesh runes, running up and down the doorway. And contained within, a whirlpool of shadow and starlight circled a yawning black disc.

Kylo stared pensively at the swirling vortex. His plan would work, but to see it through he needed the help of the human he despised most.

Poe Dameron.

* * *

“Ooofmph!”

Rey slowly rolled onto her back and glared up at the fathier who’d just bumped her rear with its nose, sending her sprawling across the straw-strewn stall floor.

“What was that for, hmmm? And after I shared part of my lunch with you, too!”

The animal just tilted its head innocently, its intelligent eyes roaming over her form, less out of concern for her welfare and more likely in search of another apple. From behind its hindquarters a tiny foal peeked its head out. Rey stood, brushing the straw off her clothes as the foal, two weeks old but already to Rey’s shoulder, approached on wobbly legs.

“Oh, did I forget to share with you, little one?”, Rey grinned softly, stroking the baby’s long, silky-soft ears. “How rude of me.”

From her front pocket she pulled a carrot and offered it on a flat hand to the baby. The creature sniffed and snuffled the treat before snatching it with enthusiasm. Rey chuckled as it chomped happily, swallowed, and sniffed her pocket for more.

“Sorry love, that’s all I’ve got.” With one last scratch Rey left the stall, bolting it behind her. Picking up the water buckets and eyeing the long line of stalls, she allowed herself a small, tired sigh.

Rey considered herself a generally positive person, and never took for granted that she had a roof over her head and, well, if not exactly an _abundance_ of food, than enough to stave off starvation. But sometimes...sometimes, in the quiet, monotonous moments that filled her day, she let her mind drift and she dreamed of more.

She had shown up in Hanna City four years before, sick and starving from years spent barely scraping by in the Jakku desert. On her first night the owner of a cantina had seen her rifling through the garbage looking for scraps and had taken pity on her. The tiny woman had been eccentric but compassionate, examining Rey with overly large, wise eyes. After filling her up with Bantha stew and Haroun bread, and kindly not mentioning her atrocious table manners, she’d informed Rey that Unkar Plutt, the owner of the stables just down the road, was in need of a new stable hand. _Tell him Maz sent you, and remind him that he owes me a favor_.

Plutt was a foul, bloated man, greedy and stupid with a mean streak that made him dangerous if crossed. Whatever favor he owed Maz kept him from mistreating her too badly, but her wage was a pittance and she’d learn quickly to stay out of range of his meaty fists. But thankfully he was rarely around, this being the breeding stables and his chief interest being in the far more lucrative, but crueler, business of fathier racing.

Rey was used to being alone, but the quiet, peaceful solitude of the stables was a world away from the crushing isolation of the Jakku desert. She had also quickly discovered that she was good with the fathiers, and they were good for her. The gentle, intelligent creatures were affectionate and accepting, a balm to her neglected, lonely existence. The mares and their yearly string of foals were the closest thing to a family that she could remember.

And it was enough. She reminded herself of that fact every day. Sometimes multiple times. And Plutt had made it extremely, _insultingly_ clear that advancement was out of the question, so...this was enough. 

Rey picked up the water buckets and got back to work.

* * *

Hooded and cloaked, Kylo swiftly made his way through Hanna City’s residential streets just as the sunrise was painting the eastern horizon a brilliant palette of violet and orange. At times he traveled with a retinue of Draka guards, more as a show of force instead of an actual need for protection, but today’s purpose required discretion.

He arrived at a modestly large house on a quiet street and swiftly knocked on the front door before he could rethink his course of action. After a minute with no response he pounded harder. He was tempted to yell, but again...discretion.

His fist was raised to pound emphatically on the door a third time when it finally swung open, revealing a yawning, olive skinned man who had clearly been asleep the moment before.

Kylo found himself unsure of how to begin.

_You will aid me, or face the consequences_. 

He mentally winced, hearing his mother’s many lessons in diplomacy. _The best way of getting what you want from someone is through graceful persuasion, not brute force_.

As with most things, Lord Snoke had disagreed with his mother in how to approach diplomacy._ Fear is a tool used by the strong to cow the weak. The man who is feared the most wields the most power_. Unfortunately, Kylo had never seen Poe be afraid of anything, even when it was warranted.

_I need a favor._ Goddess, that would almost be worse.

Bile burned in the back of his throat at the thought of having to confide in and trust a human at all, let alone one towards whom he had a considerable amount of animosity. The awkward silence dragged on as he struggled to tamp down his hatred and have a civil conversation. They weren’t on Eadu; he wasn’t on the throne. He couldn’t order Dameron to comply.

_Yet_, something dark whispered in his mind. The voice of his Master? _One day this world will bow to your will_.

Poe crossed his arms and leaned nonchalantly against the doorway. Like seething Dragon Princes showed up on his doorstep most mornings.

“So...who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?” His smug, carefree grin hadn’t changed in the years since Kylo had seen him. Kriff, _he loathed this man_. 

“I require...I am _asking_..for your assistance.” He cleared his throat. “On a personal matter.”

Dameron huffed out a surprised laugh, his dark eyebrows shooting up in cynical surprise. “Well, isn’t that rich? The high and mighty Prince needs help from, oh what was that phrase you always used...ah yes, ‘the human scum likes of _me_’. As I live and breath” he drawled, dramatically clutching his chest.

“Are you done?” Kylo growled.

Poe clucked his tongue, shaking his finger. “Oh, not even close, dragon boy. But I admit, I am _exceptionally_ curious as to what personal matter could possibly leave you desperate enough that you felt compelled to show up at _my_ door.”

_Dragon boy_. Dameron was just as irritating as he remembered. He itched to plunge his fist through the man’s too-straight teeth. He’d wanted to do it since they were boys.

They’d grown up together, the prince and the human ambassador’s son, reluctant playmates in the jeweled mountain halls of the Draka capitol. Kylo had been a serious child, already feeling the weight of the throne’s expectations like a mountain pressing down on his chest. 

Dameron had been his opposite; gregarious and witty, blithely unconcerned about the potential danger of being a human in the Draka realm. While his father Kes was negotiating trade deals and keeping peace between the realms, Poe Dameron did his part by charming his way through Draka nobility. No one would accuse the Draka of being lighthearted, but Dameron was one of the only humans any of them had ever looked upon with amusement, even while they held his species in disdain. He had even been known to elicit a laugh from Leia, the Dragon Queen herself.

Kylo couldn’t remember ever making his mother laugh.

Perhaps he was the only one who had viewed it as a competition, but nevertheless, it was one he had always felt like he was losing. But as much as he wanted to break the bastard’s nose, he needed his help more.

“Can we talk inside?” he asked stiffly, glowering down at the shorter man.

Poe snorted and rolled his eyes, but turned and walked back into the house, leaving the door open for Kylo to follow.

* * *

“Whoa, whoa, whoa...let me get this straight.” Poe leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he watched Kylo pace back and forth in his simply furnished, masculine sitting room. Tea grew cold in saucers on the side tables.

“Your soulmate is _human_?” He laughed incredulously. “A human woman is the future queen of the Draka?”

At that Kylo spun to face him, his face livid, red and trembling. He seemed to grow in size, his fists clenched in a gesture Poe instantly recognized. 

“That will _never_ happen,” he spit out. “I have no intention of completing the bond, and she will never set foot on Eadu, let alone be its queen.”

Poe lifted his hands in a placating gesture “Alright, alright. Forget I mentioned it. But what do you need me for? Since you clearly plan on having nothing to do with this woman...who was chosen specifically for you... to complete you and make you happy,” he finished dryly.

Kylo shot him a dirty look, but sighed and sat down in the armchair opposite Poe. “Because she exists at all she is..a weakness. And because of who I am and the current..," he drew in a deep breath, "_tensions_ between myself and the Queen, there are those who would seek to use her to influence me. Or harm her to try to get to me.” 

_And Snoke. Snoke would find a way to use her, to test his loyalty to his Master and their cause_.

He shoved the disturbing thought down and ran his left hand through his hair. “Since there’s no record of any previous Human/Draka soulmate bonds,” he began bitterly, “I’m unsure of how closely our life forces are intertwined. I could go through the Draka archives, but that’s thousands of years of recorded history.”

He picked up his forgotten tea cup, staring down into it for a moment before placing it back on the table. His right hand slipped into his pockets, finding the ruby. His eyes rose to Poe’s, a blank, detached mask falling over his features.

“I need to hide her, in a safe location here in Hanna City. But I can’t be directly involved with purchasing a house or looking after her. For that, I need you.” His eyes tightened. “You’ll be more than adequately compensated for your cooperation, and your silence.” His voice dropped to a soft, menacing growl. “I don’t need to remind you what I could do if you were to betray my trust.”

Poe waved away the implied threat, unimpressed as usual. He studied Kylo silently for a moment, his dark eyes crinkled in thought.

“And there’s no part of you that wants to..actually bond with her?”, Poe asked carefully.

For a brief, uncontrollable second the bond flared to life. Images streaked through his brain like the bright flare of a shooting star, offering promises of a warm hand in his and shared breath and never feeling the cold ache of loneliness again.

But like a shooting star, the images winked out into an inky blackness, like they’d never existed.

“None,” he replied, his tone cold and emotionless.

Poe didn't look convinced. “Uh huh. And this girl will just...leave everything she knows and go along with this plan?"

“She will not be given a choice,” Kylo spit out. He gritted his teeth and tried again, in what he hoped was a reasonable tone. “She has no family, no social standing. She works in a stable. I do not actually expect her to turn down her own house, her own staff, and the chance to never clean up animal excrement ever again.”

He recalled his last sight of her, hands obstinately on her hips, hazel eyes flashing with annoyance. She’d had straw in her hair, was standing next to a wheelbarrow full of manure and she _still_ been the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. There’d been just a hint of sweat glistening in the shadowed valley between her-

“What’s her name?”

Kylo abruptly shook off the memory, staring blankly at Poe. “What?”

“Her name, dragon boy. Your soulmate? The woman fate and your goddess says is the love of your life? _What..is.. her.. name_?” He enunciated the last sentence as though addressing a child.

Kylo swallowed, blinking at him.. “I...didn’t ask.” _The girl_ had been a safe term for her. Safer than her actual name. Safer than _Mine_.

Poe shook his head and let out a long suffering sigh. “Sweet Bleeding Grimtaash, man. You really do need my help. Count me in.”


	3. Only a fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She stared at him contemplatively for a moment. Slowly, with a slightly hitched inhale so quiet she might have imagined it, he stretched out his arm and offered her his gloved hand.
> 
> Only a fool would say no.
> 
> She could go along with it. Just for a while. Just until she could think of somewhere to run where he'd never find her.

“Knock knock.”

Rey looked up from the hoof she’d been picking out, and into the smiling face of a roguishly handsome man. The second one this week, and Rey was definitely keeping count. Though the first had been _just_ handsome, lacking the smile, roguish-ness and general air of friendliness. This one was human, about her height, with deeply tan skin and dark hair.

“Um..hi?” Rey replied quizzically. She patted the fathier on the flank and stepped out of the stall to face him.

“Hi. I’m Poe.” He stuck out his hand, his eyes sparkling with humor. 

“I’m Rey.” She ignored his outstretched palm, sheepishly showing him her dirty hands. This one seemed nice, but if he also started asking weird personal questions about her family, _so help her_...

His perma-grin widened, like he knew something she didn’t. “Rey. It’s very nice to meet you.”

“Is it?”, she inquired blandly, starting to become suspicious. The only occasional visitors to the stables were Plutt and the veterinarian, and they were hardly there to see her. Two visitors in a week, two strange, _male_ visitors...it was practically a swarm. “Can I help you with something?”

“Actually, I’m here to help you, hopefully. Is there someplace more private we can talk?”

She thought of the tack room. It was private. And there were sharp things in it, in case this one wasn’t as friendly as he appeared.

Rey sighed. “This way.”

Once they were in the shadowed quiet of the tack room his voice dropped to a low, serious tone. 

“Rey, what I’m about to tell you is quite delicate, and of the utmost secrecy. This is going to sound strange, but I’m here on behalf of Draka Prince Kylo Ren. I believe he was here a few days ago?”

Rey nodded reluctantly. She’d tried to put the dark, peevish dragon shifter, and his luscious hair, out of her mind.

“It has been determined that you are his fated mate, chosen by their revered goddess. As such, he commands that you end your employment at Plutt’s Stables immediately and come with me to a secret location, for your own safety.”

He ended this outrageous speech with the same wide, charming grin that he’d greeted her with. Rey tried not to gape. Was he...was he simple? She couldn’t decide if she wanted to shriek with laughter, or run him out the door with a hay hook.

“So...the rude, scowling arse from last week was a _Prince_, and he’s decided I’m his…?”

“Soulmate,” Poe supplied cheerfully.

Rey crossed her arms. “Uh huh. So he just sent you here to fetch me then? Like I’m a loaf of bread from the market. And I’m supposed to trot after you like an obedient little dog, to an unknown location where I will presumably be under his complete control. Did I get that right?” She returned his grin, wide like his but sharp with thinly veiled sarcasm.

This Poe fellow didn’t seem to pick up on her ire. “Precisely! It’s kind of awkward for him, you know? He’s a prince, you’re a human,” his smile turned conspiratorial. “They don’t think too highly of us humans. But you're _his_, and you know how possessive dragons are with their things,” he continued, waving his hand nonchalantly.

Well, no, she didn’t know. But that wasn’t the point. 

“No,” she said firmly, trying not let her eyes drift to the hay hooks.

Poe raised an eyebrow, but didn’t look as put out as she’d expected. “No? You’re refusing to come with me?”

“Yes. I’m refusing to go with you.” No sane woman would agree to this ridiculous proposal, _surely_ he understood that?

Abruptly his grin was back, a satisfied, almost smug expression like she’d said exactly the right thing. He nodded once.

“Understood. Well, Rey, I won’t take up any more of your time. It really was a pleasure to meet you. Maybe our paths will cross again someday.” Then with a wink and a pat on the shoulder, he walked past her and out the door.

Rey turned her head and stared at the doorway, blinking at the abruptness of his exit. What the _kriff_ had just happened? Pinching the bridge of her nose, she took in a deep, cleansing breath. _The Daughter save me from any more bizarre visits from men_.

* * *

It was several days before Kylo was able to return to the human realm and check in. Poe had taken care of all the necessary details before going to see Rey; he’d purchased a furnished, modest house in a quiet neighborhood, and hired several staff, all with Kylo’s credits. There were two bodyguards, and a sunny young woman who could act as a maid-of-all-trades. Having now met Rey, he hoped they would also serve as close companions for the obviously lonely young woman.

Because there was no doubt she would soon be living in that house. It was all going according to plan.

While his and Kylo’s childhood relationship had only been begrudgingly civil at its best, he still felt a sense of loyalty to the prince, to the lonely, neglected boy he’d known and the angry, guarded man he’d become. Poe didn’t serve the Drakan goddess, but he’d seen enough soulmates among them to know that the she unerringly bound the right people together. And at his heart Poe was a hopeless romantic, his terminal bachelorhood notwithstanding.

Poe had instructed Kylo to start letting himself in through the back alley, to better conceal his comings and goings, and spare Poe’s front door the repeated wrath of an impatient, surly dragon prince. He was sitting in a chair reading a book and enjoying the afternoon sunshine when he heard his back door click shut.

“Did you get the girl to the safe house?”

Poe didn’t glance up from his book.

“She said no.”

After a few beats he glanced over to see that Kylo had gone completely still, his fists balled at his sides. He’d seen the young prince angry a significant number of times in their youth; he wondered if the man was still as predictable.

_Restrained disbelief that he didn’t get his way?_

“What do you mean, _she said no?_” Kylo hissed tightly.

_Check._

“I mean exactly that. She said no, refused to go with me.” He turned a page.

_Close proximity as an intimidation factor?_

Kylo stalked forward until he loomed over Poe’s seat, his large hands coming down to clutch the armrests on either side of the smaller man.

_Check._

“What did you say to her?” Each word was clipped and menacing, like a dagger scrapped over a whetstone.

Poe finally met Kylo’s eyes, keeping his face a bland mask of innocence. “I explained everything to her very thoroughly. You know how charming I can be. She was very insistent. ‘Not if he were the last male alive, in all possible dimensions’, ‘he can kiss my lowly human arse’, ‘I’d rather be soulmates with a rathtar’, and so on. Some of it I can’t even repeat.” Poe went back to his book. “I’ll try again in a few days, though, let her sleep on it.”

_Explosive outburst immediately followed by an enraged exit?_

The book was unceremoniously ripped out of his hands and thrown across the room.

“Must I do _everything_ myself?” Kylo roared. “I should have known better than to trust such a simple task to a _human_.” He punctuated the sentence by kicking over the matching chair across from the one in which Poe was sitting. With one final look of fiery disgust, he turned and stormed out.

_And check_. Poe wasn’t even mad about the book, or the chair, or even the insult. He’d forgotten how _fun_ Kylo was to mess with.

“Oh...and her name is Rey!” he shouted after him just before his back door slammed shut, rattling the windows.

Poe chuckled to himself and shook his head. “That was too easy.”  
  


* * *

Rey sat on the floor of an empty stall. The stable was deathly quiet, but the fathiers’ nervous snorts and whinnies still rang in her ears. The men who had come to transport them to Canto Bight had not been gentle.

They’d been sold. All of them, the mothers and the foals. Plutt had lumbered in that morning, boasting that he’d offloaded his entire business to an obscenely wealthy racing magnate in Cantonica. He was all set to retire, and callously informed Rey she was out of a job, effective immediately.

“_Can...can I go with them?_”, she had asked. _“Surely the new owner would be willing to hire me on…”_

“Surely _he would not!"_, Plutt had shouted. “_Now I’ve done you a favor, girl, been very charitable, I have. But no fancy gentlemen is going to let a desert scavenger scum like you dirty his establishment.”_

He had tossed her a small purse with her final credits. _“Be gone by sundown, girl.”_

Packing her meager possessions would take sixty seconds. Once that was done...her mind scrambled for answers that didn’t readily come. She wiped away an errant tear and let herself feel, for just a moment, the hollow desolation of starting over. Again.

More tears slid down her face, and for the first time in years she didn’t bother holding them back. There was a time to stay positive-she was good at staying positive- but, when circumstances allowed, there was a very real time to cry and feel quite sorry for oneself.

She had seconds to register the pounding thump of heavy strides before a towering man rounded the doorway of the stall and stopped, black cloak swirling at the halted momentum. Recognition was instant; it was definitely the draka from before. Rey let out a tiny growl. _The one who sent someone to fetch me._ Then with a small shudder she remembered the reason why. _The one who thinks I’m his soulmate._ She was not in the mood for whatever he had to say.

His eyes blazed with fury, but as he took her in, the tears and defeated posture, his face drained of color.

“What happened? Who hurt you?” His body was tense, his breath was coming in panicked huffs and he stepped back out the stall in the corridor, scanning for threats.

Rey hastily scrubbed the last of the tears from her face with the back of a hand. “What are _you_ doing back here?” she asked grouchily. “I thought I made it very clear to your manservant that I was uninterested.”

“My...manservant?” He pursed his lips and looked down quickly. Was he...trying not to laugh? He struck her as the type who had maybe never learned how. Or his granite-carved features didn’t allow the movement. Or he was just an ass with no sense of humor. _That one, most likely_.

When he looked back up, his face was remote. He pulled a black silk handkerchief from a pocket and walked to where Rey still sat with her back to the wall, crouching down and offering it to her.

“I would give you every jewel I possess if you called him that to his face,” he muttered, almost to himself, as Rey tentatively reached out and took the handkerchief from his gloved hand. His face was carefully blank, but Rey swore his cheek twitched slightly. Her eyes drifted over his face. She hadn’t gotten a close look at him last time. His face was kissed with a scattering of moles, and his nose was regal but slightly crooked. His silky black hair grazed his right cheek as he looked down at her. And his eyes..brown with hints of green and gold, like a forest dappled with sunlight. Her gaze dropped to his full lips and quickly darted away.

“Why are you here?”

“I was informed that you declined my offer.” Curt. Precise.

She snorted. “Yeah, I kinda figured that out when you stomped in here like you were prepared to tie me up and drag me back to your dragon hoard, kicking and screaming.”

His eyes flashed. “We _do not_ have dragon hoar-”

She rolled her eyes. “It was a joke.”

His eyebrows lowered in faint scowl. As she’d expected; no sense of humor. She scowled back.

“Yes, I declined your ridiculous offer. What did you expect? That I’d hear I was your soulmate and immediately fall into your arms? You didn’t even have the decency to tell me yourself. Not that I even believe in soulmates.”

Rey sniffed and looked away. The draka looked away as well, but then he tensed and his eyes shifted back to her, full of suspicion.

“Is there another reason why? Is there something keeping you here? A lover?”

“None of your business, that’s why!” Rey retorted hotly.

In a breath he was in her face, his arms braced on either side of her head, his much larger body crowding hers. It was the closest anyone had physically been to her in years.

“Oh, but it is my business, whether I want it to be or not,” he snarled. Rey distantly noted that he smelled cold, and clean, like how she imagined an approaching storm would smell. “You might not want anything to do with me, and the feeling is entirely mutual. But we are bound together, and for that reason alone I have a vested interest in your safety. So do not mistake me. I will not take no for an answer. And if I have to drag you, kicking and screaming to your _very comfortable new home_, I will not hesitate.”

He stood abruptly and walked a few feet away. Rey stood as well, watching him warily and twisting the handkerchief still clutched in her hands. His anger had startled her, but she discovered she wasn’t frightened. Common sense said she should be; he was a terrifying dragon in human form, after all. Yes, there was a violence about him, but it lacked the sadistic cruelty she’d seen in men like Unkar Plutt. There had almost been an intimacy to the outburst, in the way they had been close enough to share the same breath. 

He stayed on the other side of the stall with his back to her but turned his head, offering her a view of his striking profile.

“It’s for your own good,” he said calmly. “I have many enemies in my world. They wouldn’t hesitate to use or hurt you.” He turned to face her and fixed her with a pointed stare. “I would like to point out that neither of us had a choice in this, but it’s done, and I cannot allow the chance of my enemies, even my allies, learning that I have a human mate. If you were draka…” he trailed off, eyeing her up and down, his lips finally curling into a sneer. “But you’re not.”

A spark of outrage flared in her gut but swiftly burnt out. The words _enemies_ and _hurt you_ echoed in her mind.

“I could just disappear. I have a little money, I could leave Hanna City, or..or leave the realm entirely, take a portal...” Realistically she knew a portal was impossible. The cost would deplete her credits, and portals for the general public kept a record of all comings and goings between realms. Using an unregistered black market portal was astronomically expensive.

Without warning a dark and reptilian presence slithered in his eyes, predatory and entirely inhuman. When he spoke his voice was a guttural rumble. “I would hunt you. There’s nowhere you could go where I wouldn’t find you.” A shiver went down Rey’s spine and she instinctively backed up a step, her back hitting the wall.

He closed his eyes for a moment, drew a deep breath. When his eyes opened they were the deep colors of a forest again. _What beautiful eyes for such a dangerous creature_, Rey thought.

He shook his head. “The bond, even unco..consummated”-he stumbled slightly over the word- “wouldn’t allow us to be that far apart. It would force me to find you, or die trying. Obviously not something I’m willing to risk. It is my hope that simply knowing your general location and being assured of your safety will be good enough to satisfy the bond.”

Rey’s stomach had lurched at _unconsummated_. She had to know... “So there wouldn’t be any other requirements…?”, she blushed hotly, hoping he understood her meaning. _Please don’t make me elaborate_.

He swallowed. “Absolutely not. I will guarantee your protection. You will have anything you want or need, and you’ll never have to work again. You will be unable to be with other men,” he added firmly, ”but I will leave you alone. As much as the bond allows, to keep us both alive,” he conceded resignedly.

He went on. “I don’t even know where the house is.” He ran his fingers through his hair and glared at her. “Only a fool would say no.”

She hated the idea just as much as the first time she’d heard it, but…

_Be gone by sundown, girl_. She cursed Plutt’s timing, then cursed the man himself for putting her in the position to even consider going along with this. Her life hadn’t been glamorous or easy, but it had been hers. Now she was connected for life and at the complete mercy of this stranger, by a deity she didn’t even believe in.

“And I’ll be safe with you? You swear it?”

He didn’t answer for a moment, and a sliver of doubt was just beginning to curl in her stomach when he finally looked up, his dark eyes stark with an expression she couldn’t identify. “You’ll be safe from me. And that’s infinitely better.”

She stared at him contemplatively for a moment. Slowly, with a slightly hitched inhale so quiet she might have imagined it, he stretched out his arm and offered her his gloved hand.

_Only a fool would say no_.

She could go along with it. Just for a while. Just until she could think of somewhere to run where he’d never find her.

* * *

_Please._

Kylo could still read the hesitancy in her face, but he saw the moment she gave in. He tried not to gasp in relief as she slipped her hand into his. Even with the barrier of the black leather, he wasn’t prepared for the triumphant, sparking hum of energy that traveled up his arm from her touch. His eyes widened slightly, and he swiftly dropped her hand. He motioned for her to lead the way out of the stall. Once she was in front of him he discreetly flexed the hand that had held hers. It still thrummed.

She headed for a ladder tucked away at the back of the barn, haltingly explaining that she needed to gather her things. As he waited, he was struck by the eerie quiet of the stables. Stunned, he realized all the animals that were there the last time were nowhere to be seen. And she’d been crying before he arrived...he stiffened, snuffing out any curiosity or compassion that the memory provoked. He had to strengthen his resolve against any attachments. He’d been too enticed already, just by a few minutes of conversation.

_She is nothing. An unworthy distraction. Deliver her to Poe and put her from your mind_.

He heard her coming down the ladder and approaching him with quiet steps. He made for the stable’s double doors but turned back when he didn’t hear her following.

He watched her throat bob as she swallowed, her eyes scanning the stables one last time. Then her eyes met his, and she wordlessly nodded for him to lead the way.

He blinked as they left the stable and into the bright sunlight, but immediately came to a halt. He heard the girl grunt from behind him as she barely avoided running into his back. 

_That bastard son of a sithspawn_.

Poe leaned against a wall across the narrow street, his face breaking into a self-satisfied smile when he spotted the small bag of possessions thrown over the girl’s shoulder. He didn’t look at all surprised to see them leaving together.

It only took Kylo’s keen, calculating mind a heartbeat to realize he’d been played. _Goddess grant me the strength not to gut him where he stands._

Poe pushed off the wall and walked towards them. Kylo fought down the instinct to step defensively in front of his mate.

“I thought you might require my services as an escort, since you two probably shouldn’t be seen together. Hello again, Rey. I’m Poe.” he said with a wink.

At his side the girl blushed slightly. “I know. Hi Poe,” she replied demurely.

Kylo tugged a hand through his hair and glared at both of them. Curse his bantha hide, but Dameron was right. He’d planned to walk her to Poe’s house and have him show her to her new home, but even that journey was a risk. He’d carefully cultivated his anonymity in the human realm, but other Draka could be in the city for various reasons, and he was instantly recognizable as their Crown Prince.

He nodded grimly at Poe and turned to the girl. They’d part here.

The dragon within him burned with fury. _Need her. Want her. Should not be apart_, it howled.

_She is nothing. An unworthy distraction_, he repeated to himself. _There is too much at stake._

“Go with Poe. He’ll escort you to the safe house and be your contact for anything you require. As long as you do not attempt to flee, I do not expect we’ll see each other again.” He kept his expression composed and detached.

She scanned his eyes with a serious expression but didn’t speak, just silently offered him back his handkerchief. He was almost tempted to tell her to keep it, so she’d have some small part of him, but sentimentality was a weakness Lord Snoke had painfully crushed out of him long ago.

He took it back, careful not to touch her fingers, and slipped it back in his pocket with his Tumanian ruby.

“Goodbye, Rey”, he murmured. The first and last time he would allow himself to speak her name.

He grasped the stone tightly in his fist and turned to go, leaving her behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost a month since my last update! Whoops. This chapter DID NOT want to come out, but at least we got some solid Kylo/Rey interaction. These kids are about to feel all the angst. I can't even wait.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left comments and kudos! They are so very encouraging for this newbie.


	4. Something beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I thought you said you weren’t going to bother me.” She hoped she sounded firm, but knew her voice shook slightly. Kriff, he was rudely large. She both hated, and was confusingly intrigued, by how helpless that made her feel.
> 
> His gaze was glued to where the spade had harmlessly flown through his chest, but at her voice he raised incredulous eyes to her. He blinked at her a few times, his throat working, taking her in with an expression that felt like being devoured but was shuttered almost instantly.
> 
> He ignored her accusation. “I’m not doing this; the effort would kill me,” he muttered to himself. He looked around, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. “Can you see my surroundings? I can’t see yours...just you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A probably unnecessary reminder that each POV is limited to the individual character, and that Kylo and Rey both believe untrue things about themselves and the world in general.
> 
> Since several people have brought it up-don't worry about Rey's poor fathiers! They will get a happy ending too, I promise <3
> 
> I have adapted some of the Sith code/beliefs into some of the dialogue in this chapter, and obviously some quotes from the films. There's also a John Oliver shout out if you know what to look for ;)
> 
> Thank you and a million cyber hugs for all of you who read, comment, and leave kudos. Each and every one is so appreciated, and encouraging when I doubt whether I should be telling stories at all.

Every cell in his body was on fire.

The pain was necessary. Pain must become rage. The rage channeled into magic. And magic was the ultimate power that would set him free.

As a Dark Mage, Lord Snoke had the power to turn his blood into an inferno, create crushing pressure in his skull until he thought it might shatter, or fill his lungs with phantom knives so that each breath was a hundred individual tortures. Sometimes he did it all at once, turning Kylo’s body into an echoing symphony of agony. 

_“Focus! Pain is the most instructive force that exists. You must push through the suffering, to the insight_.”

The deep, dispassionate voice echoed throughout the cave. Snoke had been his tutor once, brought in after his Uncle Luke refused to be his instructor any longer. He’d been 13, and had just shifted for the first time. His dragon form had been black, with a slight red shimmer at the tip of each scale, and his family had not been able to conceal the fear in their eyes at the sight. No one would tell him why. But he felt the distance that started to grow between them, and he wondered what he had done.

For the first 13 years of his life his parents had been loving, but far too busy for him; his mother was endlessly consumed with politics and leading the realm. His father, the most unenthusiastic Royal Consort imaginable, preferred his dragon form and was often gone for weeks at a time. After his change, the little time he did spend with his parents was tainted by an undercurrent of tension and wariness. More than once he heard snippets of conversations behind closed doors, arguments between his parents about what to do with him.

Snoke had been his only friend after that. The enigmatic older draka had shown an interest in him when no one else had, believed in his potential when no one else had. Their relationship had organically grown from student and teacher to Master and Apprentice, as he slowly proved himself worthy of being entrusted with the secrets of the Dark Mages and the unlimited power they could possess.

It had been Lord Snoke who had finally told him the truth, that his dragon’s appearance was the same as that of his grandfather’s. Many had thought his grandfather, King Vader, to be a tyrant, but Snoke knew the truth. His grandfather had been a visionary, a great leader and powerful Dark Mage who had wanted to unite the realms in a glorious Empire. Vader’s all consuming goal was the pursuit of order through conquest, the weak ruled by the strong.

But others hadn’t seen the wisdom of his plan. They’d called him mad, and Kylo’s uncle had struck the king down and abdicated the throne to his sister. Dark Mages were thereafter forbidden, and magic itself limited. Lord Snoke had barely escaped unnoticed, disguising himself as a mere scholar.

_“You cannot master others until you have mastered yourself. There can be no victory while weakness still exists.”_

Kylo ground his teeth until he thought they would crumble, desperate for clarity, for the gateway through the pain to the power. He reached for the festering well of hate in his mind, drawing on it in huge pulls. He knew this was taking too long, and his Master would be displeased. If he knew why Kylo was struggling...

His Master could sense weakness, and distraction, but couldn’t breach his thoughts; Kylo’s mind was his own. Which was the solitary blessing to this torture, because his mind was consumed with _her_.

It had been two weeks since he’d left her in the street, and the aching pull for his mate grew stronger by the day. He had thought his mental and physical discipline, the result of years of arduous training, would have easily handled the bond’s attachment. He had taken to meditating daily, his mind blank except for the same determined litany.

_I want power more than I want her. I want knowledge more than I want her. I want to finish what my grandfather started more than I want her_.

It wasn’t working. So he gratefully accepted the pain of his training and the weakness it promised to obliterate.

He had borne the torment silently until now, but with an enraged howl he dug deeper within himself and unlocked new depths to his fury. His hand shot out, palm pointing at one of the many stalagnate pillars in the subterranean cave that served as his training grounds. It exploded in a shower of limestone, and the torture stopped.

Kylo collapsed to all fours, gasping in deep lungfuls of air at the reprieve. When he felt like he was no longer in danger of passing out, he knelt on one knee before his Master once more, eyes downcast.

Snoke let the silence hang heavily around them. “I am disappointed. That took far too long. After all these years, has my faith in you been misplaced?”

He could almost feel Snoke’s gaze like a slimy, probing tentacle. He suppressed the shudder that tried to ripple down his spine. Tried to quell the twitching spasms in his fingers. “No, Master.”

“When I found you,” Snoke began after a moment, “I saw what all masters live to see: Raw, untamed power... and beyond that, something truly special. The potential of your bloodline. A powerful Dark Mage, a future king, who could carry out Vader’s vision. Now, I fear I was mistaken.”

Kylo’s gaze shot up. “I’ve given everything I have to you. Done everything you’ve ever asked of me,” he rasped.

A memory assaults him. The red glow on his father’s face as he lifts his hand to gently cup Kylo’s cheek. The crackle of the crimson blade that disappears into his father’s chest and out the other side. The serrated horror that splits his soul in two as he realizes that there’s no going back from what he’s done.

An older memory. His father juggling fist-sized sapphires while his 4 year old self squeals with delight. His father down on one knee, looking him in the eye as he hands him his favorite pair of aurodium dice.

_Take good care of these for me, kid._

_I will. Come back soon daddy._

Then, his mother’s face. Unable to prove her suspicions, but the immeasurable sorrow in her eyes betraying that deep down, she knew her husband would never be coming back. And why. 

Kylo sucked in a breath, banishing the images. He’d come too far now, paid too high of a price, to fail. 

“Forgive me, Master. Show me again the power of the darkness. With your guidance, I will fulfill my destiny.”

Snoke studied him, cold black eyes unblinking and unmoved. At last he gave a slight nod, and a subtle wave of his hand.

And the pain began again.

* * *

Being a soulmate was dismally boring.

Rey had never realized how fulfilling hard work was until she was faced with the endlessly empty horizon of unemployment. Growing up alone in the Jakku desert, mere survival had been full time work. Life in Hanna City had been slightly less dire, but caring for the fathiers had been her whole world. Or the closest thing she’d had to a family, at least.

Now she had someone to make her food, wash her clothes, clean up her messes, keep her safe, and a dragon prince to pay for it all. It was a life of leisure, and it wasn’t nearly as satisfying as she’d always imagined.

That wasn’t to say she wasn’t quietly delighted at having people her own age around. Poe had hired two guards, and Finn and Jannah were friendly while still taking their roles seriously. Then there was Rose. Rose had the warmth and brightness of the afternoon sun, and an energy and quick intelligence that she already admired. Rey didn’t have experience with making or keeping friends, but she was drawn to Rose. She hoped the other woman would see something worthy of friendship in her, too.

The first few days had been awkward, as Rey tried to find her place in the household. She had made it clear to all of them that she wasn’t any kind of lady. Just a nobody, with the misfortune of being soulmate to a moody dragon shifter. The fact that he was also the future Draka king didn’t need to come up. He didn’t want anything to do with her, and she was more than fine with that. But the lack of purpose had her nearly climbing the walls with unrelenting restlessness.

So she had taken up gardening. The house had a small, perfunctory back garden, which mostly consisted of a few Tchuspera bushes and a rather neglected Jogan fruit tree. She knew absolutely nothing about plants, but figured she could more than make up for that with a fierce need to stay busy. She missed the fathiers and their unconditional, gentle affection. So if tending and nurturing a garden was the closest facsimile to having actual living beings to care for, well...Rey would take what she could get. And she felt, for the first time in a very long while, a pull to create something beautiful. 

Rose had enthusiastically supported the idea when Rey shyly approached her about going to the market for plants.

“Yes! I’m really glad you said something! That garden is just so sad and in need of some color and love.” Her eyes had scanned Rey’s nondescript, dingy white outfit up and down, her eyebrows crinkling in a way that suggested, not unkindly, that she thought something _else_ was also in need of a little color and love.

Rey could feel her checks coloring slightly. “And I’ll let you show me some new clothes?” 

Rose’s eyes had lit up, hands balled up at her sides in a gesture Rey had affectionately dubbed her happy fists.

“Finn! Jannah! Look alive, we’re going shopping!”

* * *

  
She was wrist deep in dirt, humming tunelessly and contentedly lost in her task. The garden was slowly but pleasingly taking shape around her; spinebarrels, nightblossoms, and malreaux rose bushes added riotous pops of color, with cloudflower vines to enhance the plain pourstone garden walls. Her biggest splurge, with a little encouragement from Rose, had been a blueblossom tree sapling, placed in the garden’s center next to a weathered stone bench.

She was digging a hole for the last arallute plant, admiring its violet, trumpet shaped flowers, when a large black shape moved in her peripheral. She noticed belatedly that it had gone utterly silent, like all the sound had been sucked out of the garden.

The spade in her hand was hurtling towards her target before she had even fully gotten a good look at it. She froze in shock as she watched the sharp tool sail right through the chest of a very confused, very startled Kylo Ren.

Rey jumped to her feet, intuitively taking a defensive stance. She cursed herself for throwing her only weapon away. Had all that “_you’ll be safe from me_” talk just been lies to lull her into a false sense of safety? She glanced at the house where Finn and Jannah were helping Rose with lunch, and wondered if they’d be able to get outside in time if she screamed.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to bother me.” She hoped she sounded firm, but knew her voice shook slightly. Kriff, he was _rudely_ large. She both hated, and was confusingly intrigued, by how vulnerable that made her feel.

His gaze was glued to where the spade had harmlessly flown through his chest, but at her voice he raised incredulous eyes to her. He blinked at her a few times, his throat working, taking her in with an expression that felt oddly like being devoured, but was shuttered almost instantly.

He ignored her accusation. “I’m not doing this; the effort would kill me,” he muttered to himself. He looked around, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. “Can you see my surroundings? I can’t see yours...just you.”

“Well unless you’re _actually_ standing in the middle of my nightblossom patch, which I would hope is considered rude even by Draka standards, then no, I can’t see your surroundings.” She pensively chewed on her bottom lip and tried not to drink in the sight of him. He was still broad as a barn door, but had he lost weight? She knew she wasn’t imagining the purple, bruise-like shadows under his eyes. 

“So...you’re not..actually here? Is this some kind of freaky, intrusive soulmate magic?”

“No. I’m..” he stumbled and swallowed uncomfortably, his eyes drifting over an environment she couldn’t see . “I’m in Eadu, the Draka realm. And I told you, I don’t know where your house is located. Fully bonded Draka soulmates have the ability to speak telekinetically, but not project themselves to the other person. And we’re not bonded at all. So no..this is something else.”

His eyes skipped over her lightly and then away. She realized that he hadn’t fully looked at her since the initial few seconds of his baffling arrival. “Why are your hands filthy?”

“Oh..” she looked down at her hands, forcing herself not to hide them behind her back. “I’m gardening.”

His brow furrowed and he glared, not _at_ her because that would require eye contact, but over her left shoulder. At the blueblossom tree, not that he could see it, apparently.

“Gardening. Were there no _real_ gardeners Dameron could hire?”

_Ooooh, he can take the tone and shove it up his fire breathing ass_, Rey seethed. “What do you care what I do with my own time?”

She didn’t owe him any explanations. Even if he had unwittingly paid for all of it.

He still didn’t look at her, instead finding the nonexistent dirt under his fingernails far more fascinating.

“I didn’t ask because I cared,” he responded coolly. “I asked to ensure that you were staying where I put you and not back to shoveling manure.”

Hot indignation welled up in her throat but with a gasp she stifled it. Without a word she marched toward and around him, giving him an extra wide berth as she passed by. The spade lay ten or so feet behind him in the middle of the path. She felt more than saw Kylo turn around to watch her.

Bending down, she picked it up, turned, and without preamble hurled it right through his ridiculously wide chest. Again. This time he didn’t react beyond clenched hands and slightly flared nostrils.

She crossed her arms and glared, unrepentant, almost daring him to retaliate. They glowered at each other for a few seconds.

At least he was finally looking at her. _Why did that matter so much_? 

He opened his mouth to speak, a sneer already lifting one corner of his unfairly generous lips and _oh gods she really had to stop noticing this stuff_, when sound began to trickle back into the garden around them.

“Yo, Rey! Lunch!”

She turned to see Finn standing at the garden gate. He took a bite from an apple, waiting to walk in with her. His eyes never strayed to where she knew Kylo stood to her left.

But when she glanced back at Kylo, he was gone.


	5. Embers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You are a monster,” she spat. 
> 
> Perhaps it was harsh. But she was still frightened, and angry that she was frightened, and suddenly even more furious that he was here, invading her tranquil oasis. Here again, despite the unfathomable distance between their dimensions, despite their clear and mutual distaste for any connection, all because some ridiculous magic was forcing them together.
> 
> He stalked towards her and she fought the urge to back up. He stopped a few inches away, and she sucked in an apprehensive breath, the same spicy, smoky scent filling her nostrils. He tilted his head down closer and she met his gaze, refusing to be intimidated. His eyes, moments ago a kaleidoscope of color, looked black and stark in the starlight.
> 
> “Yes I am,” he snarled softly.

Kylo nearly dropped to his knees. 

If he concentrated hard enough, he thought he could still hear the angry huff of her exhales. He shut his eyes tightly, the image of her irate, lovely face, her hazel eyes flashing with irritation, burned onto the back of his eyelids.

His mind spun, trying to reconcile what had just happened. She had been _here_. And yet, not here; he thought of the spade that had passed harmlessly through him. Twice. But how was it possible? It _wasn’t_ possible; there was no known magic in any dimension that could explain how she’d stood before him.

He’d thought, for a moment, that his own recalcitrant imagination had brought her to life before his eyes, like a fever dream. Like the hazy, shadowed visions that haunted his sleep; entwined limbs and soft gasps and hot skin under his mouth.

But his last real memory of her had been of wide, unsure eyes in a too-thin face. The woman in front of him just now had brimmed with life, her skin tanned and glowing with health, and her frame filled out from several weeks of adequate food. His dragon heart had preened, primal and proud and taking full responsibility for the positive changes in her. 

Meanwhile, his head had panicked. If she really were there, magically plucked from her own dimension, then she would _see_, and ask questions he couldn’t answer. Questions he would have to silence, or risk losing everything. He’d had to do it before.

_Son...don’t do this. Don’t go this way. Leave here with me. Your mother and I...we want you to come home._

His father had been a fool. There was no going home for him now. There was only the unerring pursuit of his destiny; a destiny that didn’t allow for his mother’s human-friendly policies or his father’s lack of ambition.

A destiny that certainly didn’t allow for a weak, inferior mate.

Each day was still a painful exercise in hardening himself to all the bond enticed him with; the promise that _she_ would understand him, that _her_ touch on his skin and presence in his mind would calm the tempest in his soul. That in _her_ eyes, he would be enough, and he would be worthy. In _her_ arms, he would never be alone again.

They were an alluring web of lies, spun by an ancient goddess to amuse herself.

He didn’t know how or why she had ended up here. But it made no difference.

He resolutely turned his attention back to the production floor. When the girl-_ReyMateMineMineMINE_ his dragon supplied-had appeared he’d been alone on an observation deck, high above the buzzing activity of countless draka and human slaves.

It was a massive facility, an entire mountain carved out for their secret purpose. In the southern reaches of the planet, far from the capital and the eyes of the Queen, Snoke had spent the last ten years quietly and steadily harvesting massive quantities of kyber crystals. The crystals were commonly used throughout the dimensions to power travel portals, but Snoke’s long and relentless pursuit of the dark magics had revealed additional, sinister uses.

They were close now, so close to achieving their goal; a few months was all that stood between them and King Vader's dream of order and draka superiority . With the weapons being constructed below, and the army of draka trained and concealed within this very mountain, victory was without question.

“Ren.”

His stiffened infinitesimally, his lips automatically curling into a sneer. He didn’t turn around to acknowledge the General, who oversaw the troops and activity below but was still his subordinate. The less he saw of Armitage Hux’s pompous, corpse-like face the better.

“Hux,” he snapped.

He heard the staccato of Hux’s clipped stride walking towards him. He came to a stop at Kylo’s side and stared at the activity below. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” the General remarked. 

Kylo said nothing. He knew Hux’s hubris was quite capable of carrying on without his participation. 

“Such genius, such innovation. In the hands of my troops the potential for destruction will be like nothing ever seen before.” Hux’s voice held a rapt, almost fanatical pride, and Kylo was reminded once again why Lord Snoke often referred to Hux as his _rabid cur_.

“I commend you, General. The project is proceeding remarkably. Enjoy these moments. Because after it's all over it won’t be your name that’s remembered by history.” He finally turned and faced Hux. “It will be mine.”

He coldly enjoyed the flushed indignation that colored Hux’s pallid features. But Hux stiffened and controlled himself, a sharp, savage looking appearing in his eyes.

“_And_ Lord Snoke’s,” Hux reminded him cuttingly. “For what good is a puppet, without a master?”

This time the rage was effortless to access. Kylo’s hand shot out, his fingers curled. Hux’s hands shot to his throat as an invisible vise lifted him a foot off the ground by his neck. His face turned a mottled purple as he futilely tried to relieve the pressure on his windpipe, his polished black boots futilely scrambling for purchase.

“Who is the puppet now?” Kylo hissed, using his magic to jerk Hux’s body back and forth. He waited until the draka’s eyes were just beginning to flutter closed then released his magic, letting him fall to the hard stone floor.

“With or without Snoke, I am still your future king. Forgetting that little detail could be fatal, General Hux.”

With that Kylo turned and left, headed into the tunnels that would take him to the mountain’s surface. He didn’t see the look of in Hux’s eyes, a seething hatred that promised treachery and revenge.

* * *

It was a week before Rey stopped jumping at every noise and constantly looking over her shoulder. The knowledge that Kylo Ren could appear at any time filled her with an anxiety that left her stomach in knots and her fingernails chewed to the quick. She hoped it was a one-off. She hoped it wasn’t.

She was self aware enough to admit that he intrigued her. Actually, she hadn’t figured out if it was him, or the knowledge that a dragon goddess had decided _she_ was the perfect match for him. That little factoid was an ember that glowed dimly in the back of her mind, never getting enough attention to become a flame, but nevertheless there. The human realm didn’t have soulmate bonds, and Rey certainly hadn’t seen much proof that true love existed here either. Even the possibility of it shimmered like a desert mirage; tantalizing hope, but an empty promise not worth chasing.

But she didn’t need an emotional connection to observe, completely impartially of course, the way his hair fell in waves of black silk. Or how he stood solid and strong like a tower. Or admire the pleasing combination of his strong brow and deep set eyes. His nose was nice too. Distinguished, which was a term she’d never thought to apply to noses before.

None of these observations made a difference in the long run, because she _didn’t like him_. And she didn’t need him, or any other foolish hopes of happiness that would only leave her disappointed. She’d learned the hard way that she only had herself to rely on. 

And if a small, woefully naive part of her wondered what it would be like to be loved and cherished, by _anyone_, but especially by the darkly magnetic dragon prince...well, that was also an ember shoved out of sight to grow cold.

* * *

“Twenty!”

A chorus of groans greeted Finn’s exultant cry. It was his fourth win of the evening.

Poe threw his cards down in disgust and pointed his finger accusingly at Finn. “You’re cheating. I can’t prove it, but I feel it in my bones.”

Finn chuckled as he used his arms to sweep the pile of playing chits, credits, and assorted sweets into his already impressive winnings. “I’m not cheating mate, you’re just bad at Pazaak.”

Poe threw up his hands in exasperation. “It’s a game of chance! You can’t be bad at a game of chance!”

“Well you’re managing it,” Finn goaded, nodding his head at Poe’s meager pile. He broke into laughter when he had to duck to avoid the handful of greasy root chips chucked at his head.

Rey chuckled quietly from her spot at the table, enjoying their banter but not joining in. She had just recently started sitting in on the weekly gatherings, a tradition that had begun as Poe coming by once a week to merely check in, but had grown to include an elaborate dinner and card games. She begged off the first few weeks, not wanting to admit that the only game she knew was Pazaak, which she’d picked up from the occasional evenings spent at Maz’s cantina. Once she admitted this to Rose, Pazaak mysteriously became the game they always chose to play, and Rey gamely acquiesced. 

She was still getting used to being around people all the time, but was grateful they tried hard to include her. For someone who had spent the majority of their life alone, the laughter and genuine friendliness were a balm to the wounds of abandonment and insecurity that had lingered from childhood. But at the same time, having spent the majority of her life alone and in relative silence, the boisterous noise became a bit overstimulating after a while.

Jannah collected everyones cards to shuffle and re-deal, and she saw her chance.

“I’m gonna call it a night. Poe can have my chits”, she said, grinning cheekily at him. Rose caught her eye, a slight crease of concern between her eyebrows, but Rey gave her a reassuring smile to let her know everything was fine.

She grabbed her cloak and headed out the back door to the ladder that led to the house’s roof, her favorite place to go to be alone. Rey was intimately familiar with the dual nature of solitude; how it could be both an enemy and a friend, a crushing weight and a peaceful sanctuary. Her rooftop escape was only the latter, and she was grateful once again that her companions intuitively knew when to pull her in, and when to give her space.

She let out a deep, serene sigh when she climbed over the short wall that enclosed the flat roof, and headed for the soft woven rug that she kept stored in a small chest. On clear evenings she loved to lay back on the rug and stargaze. She’d find the constellations she knew, and then create her own, using a finger to trace the images between the infinite pinpricks of light.

It was an old habit from her years in the Jakku desert, on the nights when her belly was an aching void and sleep was an elusive escape that refused to grant her entry. Then the stars would wink and beckon, and she’d imagine leaving her hunger and heartache behind in the coarse sand and soaring into the inky embrace of the night sky.

Perhaps that was why she didn’t notice how quiet it had grown, lost as she was in the landscape above. There was only the stars, and then a silence that was shattered by the unholy roar of a dragon.

With a speed she didn’t know she possessed Rey leapt and whirled, her heart in her throat as her unbelieving eyes took in the massive and entirely ferocious black dragon crouched on her roof. It towered over her, its horned, streamlined head nearly the size of her entire body. 

Rational thought tried to prevail-_this can’t be real, dragons can’t exist here, I fell asleep and I’m dreaming_. But when the dragon opened its enormous jaws, to roar again or breath fire or eat her, quite honestly all of these options were terrible, Rey’s body made the decision for her, and turned and ran.

Unfortunately, she was standing on the rug. She managed one desperate step before it slipped out from under her and she was sent sprawling across the roof. She quickly rolled to her back and an instinctive scream abruptly died in her throat. The creature had silently slunk forward until it crouched directly over her, its front legs coming to rest on either side of her head, clawed toes digging into the pourstone roof. From this excruciatingly close vantage point Rey could see all of its viciously elegant features; gleaming black scales, their edges tipped in almost translucent scarlet, covered its sleek, muscled body that radiated heat like a furnace . Its claw-tipped wings were so vast they covered out the entire sky above her.

In a move that froze the blood in her veins, the dragon slowly, menacingly lowered its head until she could have reached out and touched its nose. Her terrified gaze skittered over the scaled and ridged face, taking in the two sets of jet black horns, a shorter pair set between and slightly in front of a longer pair, that swept gracefully back from the dragon's forehead. 

Then like a moon moth drawn to a flame, her gaze inexorably settled on its reptilian, unblinking eyes. They were deep brown, with facets of yellow and green around the vertical black pupil, and they stared back at her with surprising intelligence. Amidst the terror, she was struck by the inexplicable sense of recognition.

Then the dragon bared its fangs-_oh gods the size of those fangs, this is it, it's really happening now_-and…

...huffed gently in her face.

She wasn’t sure what she’d expected dragonbreath to smell like; something foul, like rotting flesh or brimstone. But the soft exhale that drifted over her was a spicy, smoky incense. It would have been a nice smell, under literally any other circumstance.

She shut her eyes and braced for an agonizingly horrible death.

It never came.

After a few seconds she hesitantly opened one eye, wondering what was taking so bloody long. She beseechingly prayed to whatever gods were listening that dragons weren’t fond of playing with their food first.

Instead, the beast’s form began to ripple and blur in a whirl of shadows, and Rey had half a blessed hope that maybe she was just dreaming. But as the dragon grew smaller and disappeared, the shadows quickly reformed into a different shape, and then she was staring up into the impassive face of Kylo Ren.

She known he had a dragon form. She never imagined she'd come face to face with it. And now she knew she never wanted to again. 

It was raining wherever he was, and that's how she realized that once again he wasn't really there. His clothes were quickly becoming soaked, his long black cape snapping behind him from wind she couldn't feel. His wet hair lay plastered to his face in ebony strands. Even drenched, with rain dripping off his nose, he was still the most terrifyingly handsome man she’d ever seen.

_Not a man_, she thought. _A savage, winged demon who only masquerades as one_.

Rey scrambled backwards away from him and got to her feet. “You are a monster,” she spat. 

Perhaps it was harsh. But she was still frightened, and angry that she was frightened, and suddenly even more furious that he was _here_, invading her tranquil oasis. Here _again_, despite the unfathomable distance between their dimensions, despite their clear and mutual distaste for any connection, all because some ridiculous magic was forcing them together.

He stalked towards her and she fought the urge to back up. He stopped a few inches away, and she sucked in an apprehensive breath, the same spicy, smoky scent filling her nostrils. He tilted his head down closer and she met his gaze, refusing to be intimidated. His eyes, moments ago a kaleidoscope of color, looked black and stark in the starlight.

“Yes I am,” he snarled softly. It might have been meant as a warning, but she hesitated at the bitterness and despair that weighed down the words.

She opened her mouth to...what? Tell him she hadn’t meant it? Yell at him for showing up again and scaring the shit out of her? A long, weighted second passed by as she searched her conflicted feelings for the right response.

Kylo’s body remained unnaturally still as the silence dragged on, but his gaze flicked down to her open mouth. Her train of thought suddenly derailed, she was struck with the absurd desire to reach up and push the wet locks of hair off of his cheek. 

_What is wrong with me_?

It _was_ absurd, showing him _any_ kind of care or affection was absurd, and had he’d moved incrementally closer in the last few seconds, or had she moved closer, and all she could smell was his intoxicating scent and all she could see was his soft, wide mouth and...

Then he was gone, and she was left alone, her face wet with raindrops that had not fallen from the cloudless sky above her.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think these two are almost ready for a reasonable, grown up, non antagonistic conversation. Almost.
> 
> My deep thanks to T, A, and J for story help!
> 
> I hope you all are staying safe and healthy during these crazy times <3


	6. Just Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why does this keep happening?” she asked quietly. She still avoided meeting his eyes, staring instead down at the sleeping pup. Her fingers stroked the fur of his back in a soft, unhurried motion that Kylo found almost hypnotic. 
> 
> He was reminded of the few times he’d laid his head in his mother’s lap as a small boy and she’d done the same thing, running her fingers through his hair. He had hated that it always put him to sleep, no matter how hard he fought to stay awake. His mother rarely had time for affection, and he hadn’t wanted to miss a moment of it.
> 
> It was a memory from a time that was lost to him now; a fossilized moment perfectly frozen in amber, but ultimately long dead.
> 
> Life would be so much easier if the past stayed where it should. 
> 
> Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew...this was the chapter that wouldn't end, that had to be dragged out of me with forceps and much cursing. I'm not overly satisfied with it, but got sick of staring it every day, so am posting it anyways. Forgive me if there are any errors or typos-this beast is almost 5000 words and unbeta'd.
> 
> Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone that left comments and kudos. I love you, and I mean that literally.

Kylo Ren was not the nervous sort, but as he sat in Poe’s living room, drinking Poe’s very expensive Tevraki whiskey and waiting for the man himself to show up, his right knee bounced with enough furious energy that it rattled the side table next to him.

The moment he had stepped outside of the Drakan embassy he could smell her. It was his first time back in the human realm since sending the girl off with Poe, and he had forgotten how potent her scent was, and how difficult it would be to resist. If he wanted to, he could follow her wild, rain-swept aroma to her location with very little effort.

_If_ he wanted to. 

And goddess help him, he did. Or at least part of him did. The big, dumb, reptilian part of him. He was trying to shut that part up with alcohol.

As the time stretched on his agitation grew, while the whiskey level in the decanter dipped lower and lower. He had made up his mind to return to the embassy, and make Poe start coming to _him_, when the front door opened.

“It’s rude to keep a guest waiting, Dameron,” he snapped, the fingers that weren’t holding a glass drumming restlessly on his thigh.

Poe ignored the dig, shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it and his bag casually onto a chair.

“I see you helped yourself to my best whiskey.”

“You would have offered it to me anyways,” Kylo replied without remorse, tipping the last swallow into his mouth. It burned pleasantly in his stomach. With their hot dragon blood the Draka burned off alcohol quickly, but he’d never had quite this much before. It was a novel experience.

Poe raised one eyebrow. “It’s 10 in the morning.”

“And I’ve been here since 9. I told you I’d be checking in the first of every month. Maybe bother being here next time.”

“Maybe give me less than a 24 hour window next time, dragon boy. I do have responsibilities, you know.”

Kylo snorted disdainfully. “Since when was wearing scarves and going to brunch a responsibility? I can smell the nerf bacon and panna cake syrup on you from here.”

“It was a business brunch,” Poe supplied blithely, “and have you smelled yourself recently? Did you drink the whiskey, or take a bath in it?”

Kylo didn’t respond, wondering why he even bothered insulting Dameron; after 25 years his barbs still never seemed to land a hit. He rubbed his forehead, suddenly feeling very, very tired. Perhaps the whisky had been a mistake.

“I need to return to Eadu. Is there anything that needs brought to my attention? The guards are making sure she’s not being followed? The accounts are sufficient for her needs?”

He wondered suddenly if the girl had mentioned their mysterious connection to Poe, or the others. He’d given her quite a fright last time; it wouldn’t surprise him if she had spilled all the horrifying details.

_You’re a monster._ She had no idea.

Poe sank into the chair across from him. “Everything is fine. But you could check in with her yourself, you know. I could bring her here, you two could get to know each other better. It’s been over a month since you saw her.”

_She hadn’t told them, then_.  
  
Some small, coiled thing relaxed inside of him at the confirmation. He tried not to study it too closely.

“Not interested.”

“Oh come on, there’s got to be some part of you that’s interested.” Poe wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Even if it’s just some _anatomical_ part-”

“Finish that sentence and I’ll gut you, Dameron,” he snapped. That bastard did not get to discuss anything regarding his anatomy and how it might... respond... to the girl. “I said I’m not interested, and that’s final.”

He stood and turned to go, biting back a curse when the room spun slightly. The whisky had definitely been a mistake. “I’ll be back in a month,” he threw over his shoulder.

When there was no response he looked back to see Poe studying him, his normally jovial face lined in a disappointed frown. He met his gaze for a moment, cold and uncaring, and was turning to leave when Poe spoke.

“Look, you’ve never given a thala siren’s top left tit what I thought, and I don’t expect you to start now...but I really think you should spend some time with her,” Poe said with a heavy sigh. “I know you’ve said you can’t have anything to do with her, but...she’s your soulmate. She’s a lovely, intelligent girl. And she’s lonely.”

Kylo swallowed a bitter chuckle. He was spending time with her whether he wanted to or not. In more ways than one.

“Then hire more companions to keep her company,” he countered brusquely. “_Female_ companions,” he quickly clarified. 

Poe scowled and pointed a finger at him. “See, if you knew Rey at all you’d know that being surrounded by paid ‘friends’ is the very last thing she’d want!”

“Then get her a dog,” he sneered. “Weren’t you always telling me when we were boys that dogs were a human’s best friend?”

Poe looked at him in disbelief. “How long do you think you can keep this up? How long do you think she’ll go along with it? You can’t honestly expect to keep her locked up as your prisoner forever. You’re denying her the chance of happiness with you and happiness with anyone else, Ben!”

His chest constricted in unfamiliar panic at hearing that name, an identity he had forcibly shed years ago. “Do not call me that!” he ground out. 

Poe went on like he hadn’t heard him. “The Ben I knew would never have thrown away the chance at a love like that. You were a dour, uppity little shit but I saw how lonely you were. How lonely you still are.”

Kylo clenched his fists and took a deep, steadying breath, refusing to lose himself to the rage that always boiled below the surface. _I’m not lonely_, he thought bitterly._ I have all my demons to keep me company._

“The boy you knew died a very long time ago,” he finally said coldly. “You’re wasting your time looking for traces of him in me. And yes, I can honestly expect to _keep her safe_ from my enemies forever. And if she has any sense of self preservation, she’ll accept her fate, as I have accepted mine.”

It wasn’t lost on him that the other man, unflappable in the face of personal insults, was easily baited when it came to the girl. 

She was his, and no one else's. To ignore and hide away as he pleased...but _his_. Perhaps Dameron needed a reminder.

He walked forward until he towered over Poe, relishing the height he had over him. “And if you have any sense of self preservation,” he whispered menacingly, “you’ll keep your hands to yourself, and not give me a reason to question your interest in my mate. Or do...I’d delight in showing you what I do to people who try to steal what’s mine.”

“Spare me your overbearing threats, _Kylo_,” Poe scoffed, spitting the name out like a curse. “I’d like to think I’m her friend. You treat her as little more than a jewel to hoard. She deserves more than that, and you’re so far up your own ass you can’t even see it. And maybe I will get her a dog. The Maker knows it would show her a hell of a lot more loyalty than you do.”

Poe gave him one last look of disgust. “Now get out of my house.”

* * *

Rey jolted awake with a gasp, the pleasure she’d been reaching for just seconds ago fading away to a dim echo.

_Hot, blunt-tipped fingers trailed a leisurely path down her bare spine._

_She arched her back with a sigh when lips soon replaced them, scorching kisses pressed to her skin with an unhurried reverence. _

_He slowly worked his way down, the feel of his mouth on her skin a heady bliss and yet not nearly enough. After placing two final, lingering kisses on the dimples at the small of her back, he gently pulled her waist up until she rested on her knees and elbows. She squirmed and whimpered with shameless impatience, eliciting a dark chuckle from her faceless lover and a soft nip to the curve of her hip._

_Then she finally, mercifully, felt the heat of his body covering hers, one large hand at her left hip while the other came to rest on top of her right, their fingers automatically intertwining. He buried a groan into the curve of her neck as he pushed into her, her head falling back to rest on his shoulder as he began to move._

She moaned and rolled to her side, a palm pressed against her aching center. She knew from recent experience that trying to find that shattering peak again was a futile effort.

She’d been afraid to fall asleep that first night, after coming face to face with a living, walking monster. She had expected nightmares full of flames and running from the beat of dragon wings.

She had not anticipated a toe curling, mind melting introduction to carnal pleasure.

Every. Single. Night.

There was not an inch of her body that hadn’t been touched, kissed, and set fire to. Things she didn’t even know happened between two people, not that her nonexistent experience had given her much of a foundational knowledge.

She never saw his face clearly, just a collection of impressions; hooded, forest eyes looking up from between her legs. The taste of generous lips caught between her teeth. The feel of silky black hair tangled in her grasp. The gleam of candlelight on a broad, pale back. 

She didn’t need to see his face. Obviously it was him.

Inexplicably, her subconscious took the cold, restrained dragon prince and reimagined him as an affectionate, attentive lover. She couldn’t reconcile the two; the bleak eyes of the man who acknowledged being a monster, and the molten, intense gaze of the man who treated her body like an object of worship. 

Of all the emotions she experienced upon waking, it wasn’t the embarrassment- but kriff, the _places_ he’d put his _mouth_\- or the shock at her own wanton behavior that lingered with her throughout the day. It was the familiar intimacy of their actions, like they’d done this all a thousand times before, in another life. There was no awkwardness or unsure fumbling...his hands on her, her hands on him, his body moving inside of her, all moves in a dance they both knew by heart. Awake, he was a stranger. In sleep, their bodies melted together, their hearts and minds woven in an unbreakable strand.

It stoked in her a peculiar, aching yearning to find that type of connection with another person. Was that what love was supposed to feel like? Like being two halves of one whole, not knowing where you ended, and the other person began? Like coming home?

But they were just dreams. And maybe a love like that was too beautiful to exist outside of them.

The pent up frustration, both physical and emotional, had led her to seek out other outlets. Namely, learning how to beat the bantha shit out of something.

“Now, as soon as you see that downward strike coming, you step to the inside,” Jannah demonstrated the motion, taking a step in and to the left of Finn, “then drop your top hand, and strike their staff when it’s parallel to the ground.”

They were in the garden, Jannah and Finn having enthusiastically agreed to teach her how to use a quarterstaff. Rose sat and watched from the shade of a tree, shelling Qana beans and cheerily shouting out encouragement at regular intervals.

Jannah turned and walked Rey through the move they’d just demonstrated, correcting her hand and foot positions until she’d perform it smoothly several times.

“And then I swing as hard as I can for their head, right?” Rey asked hopefully. She needed to hit something.

“Swing it like you mean it, girl!” Rose piped.

“Wrong,” said Finn. “Any laser brain can swing a staff. A smart fighter strikes well, with no wasted motion. And the vibration shock from a hard hit is no joke.”

Jannah nodded in agreement, then turned to face Finn once more, this time going on the offensive. ”You want precise”-_whack_-”controlled”-_whack_-”strikes.”

“I _want_ to bash something into the next dimension,” Rey mumbled under her breath.

“I’ll tell you what,” Jannah countered with a laugh, “spend today perfecting your stance, and I’ll set up some hubba gourds for you to kill.”

“Show those gourds who’s boss, babe!” whooped Rose.

Rey couldn’t stop the immediate grin that split her face. “Now we’re talking!”

“Who are we bashing into the next dimension? Not me, I hope.”

Rey turned, a smile already on her face to greet Poe as he walked up the garden path behind her, his hands suspiciously behind his back.

“That depends. I almost never assault friends, particularly those who come bearing gifts,” she teased, trying to peer around Poe to see what he was hiding.

Poe laughed, swerving away to keep his back turned away from her. “Then it's a good thing I am indeed a gift-bearing friend. Now quit trying to peek. Close your eyes and hold out your arms.”

Rey stuck her tongue out at him, but did as he asked.

At the sensation of a warm, furry and squirming weight being placed against her chest, Rey’s eyes flew open right before a tiny pink tongue swiped at her chin. The chocolate brown eyes of a golden-haired puppy stared back at her, already full of adoration.

It was love at first sight.

* * *

The chamber sat at the top of a tall natural spire, carved from the rock itself a dizzying six hundred feet above the ground. Solid pillars supported a sloped roof, intricately carved lattice enclosing the whole thing but for an arched doorway. The floor was a mosaic of concentric circles, inlaid with polished crystals; selenite, carnelian, iolite, smoky and crystal quartz, all materials that aided and enhanced meditation.

Kylo sat in the middle, legs crossed, unfazed by the maelstrom that raged outside. Some needed absolute silence while meditating; he preferred to be in the violence of nature. There was an equilibrium to be found, when the external environment reflected the internal spirit. Chaos outside, chaos inside...it was the closest to balance his soul could hope for. He did not, could not, meditate to find peace. It was only a tool for sharpening and refining his anger.

In his many years learning from Snoke, he had discovered that anger was not a fixed element; it was a variable with endless forms and presentations. Sometimes it raged and burned like an inferno; sometimes it was cold and hard as steel, unyielding and unbreakable. It could lash like a whip, and stroke his soul with an intimate caress. It was armor, it was weakness, it was hunger and sustenance. It destroyed and empowered. 

Anger could be whatever you needed, if you had the strength to wield it. 

It could also be banished by the arrival of a singular, haunting silence.

The last time it came he’d been a dragon, stalking a herd of nerfs in a gorge too narrow to fly through. He’d been about to strike, tensing to lunge for a bull that had lingered behind the rest, when the pounding of the rain and lowing of the animals had been abruptly snuffed out, and she had appeared.

He had roared in fear seeing her motionless body lying in the mud, but she had quickly roused, scrambling away in fright at the sight of him. He’d trailed along behind her, troubled to see her fleeing from him. He was more susceptible to the bond in his dragon form, his needs and wants more primitive. He didn’t want her to fear him; not his Rey.

This time the transition was quieter, more subtle. He opened his eyes, meditation complete, and she was there.

She sat cross legged across the chamber, eyes closed, leaning up against the wall. She looked...peaceful, the faintest of smiles tipping her lips, and for a moment he simply watched her. 

Her clothes were different from the shabby white ensemble she’d been wearing when they first met; maybe they had been before but he hadn’t allowed himself the luxury of paying attention. Now his eyes roamed slowly over her form, the soft grey leggings that stopped at her knees, up to the sleeveless white tunic clung to her modest curves. Dark grey wrappings covered her arms while still hinting at the sleek line of her muscles, the golden sheen of her skin. In the silence and the stillness, he could admit to himself...she was flawless.

But enough; uncomfortable with the direction of his thoughts he glanced away, clearing his throat softly to alert her to his presence.

Her eyes shot open, widening at the sight of him. She made frantic, miniature hand gestures, trying to shush him or shoo him away, as though he were capable of leaving voluntarily. She finally settled on an over-dramatic whisper. “Shhhhh! He’s sleeping.”

_He_ must be the chubby, golden furball sprawled unceremoniously in her lap.

_Then get her a dog_, he’d said. He was going to punch Poe in his smug, insufferable nose and then wring his interfering neck.

“What. Is. That.”

“This is BB," she informed him primly, in a whisper. "Short for Baby Boy. Or Butter Ball. Or Bantha Brain, if you’re asking Finn. But the joke's on him because Banthas are actually very intelligent. But I’m thinking of changing it to be BB-Ate.”

He raised an eyebrow, hoping she'd elucidate.

“All of our sentences these days start with ‘BB ate’,” she explained. “BB ate the Haswaree rug. BB ate the amber fern. BB ate your custom Liwari shoe.” She sniggered, and he felt one side of his mouth tip up from the unexpected adorableness of her expression. “Poe still hasn’t forgiven him for that one.”

The amusement abruptly slid off his face at the reminder that Dameron was free to visit, give puppies to, and make humorous memories with her whenever he wished.

Jealousy bloomed in his gut with an unwelcome burn. _Give me a reason to rip you to pieces, Dameron_.

“Given up on gardening already?" he asked mockingly, trying to get back on more familiar, antagonistic footing. 

She pinned him with baleful glare. “My garden is thriving. And lovely.” She glanced down at the pup and her eyes softened in affection. He wondered, before he could stop himself and with no small amount of self-loathing, what he would have to do to have her look at him like that. “But flowers, as beautiful as they are, can’t compete with the uncomplicated, unconditional love of an animal.”

He tried not to snort. “You clearly haven’t spent much time around dragons. We’re not known for being uncomplicated or for being capable of unconditional love.”

“The once was more than enough time around dragons, thanks very much. Not a life-threatening experience I’d really like to repeat. No offense," she added quickly.

He tried to bite back the words, but they slipped past his teeth like a sacred confession.  
  
“I couldn’t..the bond would prevent me from ever physically harming you. In that form...or in this one.” 

Her brows lifted slightly in surprise, white teeth worrying her plump bottom lip. “Oh. Well...that’s good to know.”

Silence settled around them. He expected it to be strained, but instead it hummed with a fragile, almost warm civility. His hand slipped subconsciously into his pocket, finding the ruby totem. His thumb brushed the worn grooves in lazy, rhythmic swipes, lulling him deeper into the quiet scene.

“Where are you right now?” The question was barely more than a murmur, so soft he wondered if he had even said it out loud.

“Outside,” She responded, just as quietly. “Sitting under the outrageously expensive blueblossom tree you unwittingly paid for,” she said with a small smirk. Her eyes flitted up briefly to meet his and then focused back on her lap. “Where are you?”

“A meditation tower," he admitted. He glanced around, noting the rain and lightening he could see and feel but couldn't hear.

"You meditate? Why?"

_Because it’s the only thing giving me the strength to deny our bond_.

“It helps me to focus, clear my mind of distractions."

_Clear my mind of you._

"Oh," was all she said. The pup stirred in her lap, paws moving swiftly as it chased something in a dream. It made her giggle, the soft sound lancing his heart with its sweetness.

“Why does this keep happening?” she asked quietly. She still avoided meeting his eyes, staring instead down at the now still pup. Her fingers stroked the fur of his back in a soft, unhurried motion that Kylo found almost hypnotic. 

He was reminded of the few times he’d laid his head in his mother’s lap as a small boy and she’d done the same thing, running her fingers through his hair. He had hated that it always put him to sleep, no matter how hard he fought to stay awake. His mother rarely had time for affection, and he hadn’t wanted to miss a moment of it.

It was a memory from a time that was lost to him now; a fossilized moment perfectly frozen in amber, but ultimately long dead.

Life would be so much easier if the past stayed where it should. 

_Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to_.

He shook off the memory.

“I can’t say for sure. But I suspect it’s the work of the soul mate bond. It is..unusual for a draka bond to remain unsealed for this long. It makes sense the bond’s magic would force us together to...encourage the process along.”

She nodded absently, seeming to accept his reasoning. She bit her lip and glanced at him again, hesitant curiosity easy to read on her face. 

“How is a soulmate bond sealed?” she asked, trying and failing to sound casual.

“We’d...you have to...it doesn’t matter. One of the steps requires taking dragon form, which you obviously cannot do."

She snorted quietly. “Obviously.”

She remained quiet another moment, but he saw her mouth open to speak several times before slamming shut. Her slightly parted lips had a very strange affect on him.

“Do you think…” she cleared her throat “it could...hypothetically...affect other things too, eventually? Like dreams, or”..her voice trailed off as her hand vaguely waved, seemingly to imply other options that were not forthcoming. He wondered...

His gaze sharpened on her face, to the slight flush staining her cheeks. 

Was she having dreams of him?

His own recurring dreams had gotten more...just more. Fragments of shadowed images had become increasingly erotic and detailed fantasies.

Snoke had always insisted on complete abstinence from physical pleasures; women were a distraction of body, mind, and heart, and his training required absolute discipline. He had trained his body to ignore carnal impulses.

But in dreams...in dreams he explored her body with passionate devotion, mapping every freckle, every curve. Inexperienced in life, in sleep he knew how to bring her shattering pleasure a dozen different ways.

Acrid shame always awaited him when he woke, his heart pounding and his fist wrapped tightly around his cock. Sometimes he’d find that he'd already spent himself into the sheets like a fumbling adolescent.

He’d come to both dread and long for sleep; he tried to exist on as little as possible. It was too much, experiencing her passion and unrestrained desire for him, knowing it wasn't real.

He knew the hunger of want. And he knew the hollow ache of being unwanted.

His parents had wanted a better child, an easier child. Maybe they hadn’t even wanted a child at all. His cowardly uncle abandoned him at the first hint that he might take after Vader. And in the darkest corners of his mind, hidden away where he didn’t have to face them, lurked the suspicion that even Snoke, the only constant in his life for 17 odd years, only wanted him for the legendary blood that ran through his veins and the power of the throne he would one day inherit. Buried even deeper was the fear that once he achieved what Snoke wanted, his Master would have no more use for him.

No one in his life had ever truly wanted him. He’d be a masochistic fool to hope that she would be the first.

_You cannot master others until you have mastered yourself. There can be no victory while weakness still exists_.

This bond, this girl and his desire for what he could have with her-it would never bring him the happiness his heart had once craved. It was a weakness that would only result in failure.

He methodically rebuilt his mental walls, stone by stone until his emotions felt entombed in the very roots of a mountain.

“It might. But I’m researching possible ways to break the bond. Then I’ll be rid of these intrusive meetings, and you.”

She froze mid stroke, her posture going rigid. His mental wall was firmly in place, but seeing the shocked hurt in her hazel eyes, and the bone deep _wrongness_ of it being his fault, burned like poison in his belly. The traitorous dragon half of him, primitively loyal to its mate, hissed in distress.

_Not supposed to hurt her._

Her voice was controlled but unshed tears glittered in her eyes like diamonds. “Why don’t you just ask my parents? If you can find them, that is. They got rid of me easily enough.”

Cold realization skittered down his spine like a rockslide. He had known she had no family and had assumed she was an orphan or a runaway. To hear that she had been abandoned, thrown away by the people who were supposed to care for her most...

Images flickered through his mind, a memory that wasn’t his. A small girl, brown hair tied in three familiar little buns, being pulled through a desert, her screams echoing across the sand dunes.

_No! Come back!_

Dragon instinct raged at him to destroy whatever had caused the pain in her expression, destroy the entire world if needed and lay it at her feet. To find her pathetic excuse of a family and rip them to shreds with his fangs, roast their bones with his dragon breath, until nothing remained of them but worthless ash.

He’d have to rip out his own heart then as well, for much of the hurt in her eyes was his doing. And it was nothing compared to what he could do. What he would do. She’d soon see what he was capable of, and there would be nothing in her eyes then but hate. 

Stone, by stone, by stone.

_I want power more than I want her. I want knowledge more than I want her. I want victory more than I want her._

His face remained a cold blank slate but his heart pounded in his chest, shouting a different message with each ragged beat.

_Lie. Lie. Lie._

He met her gaze, letting her see the dead emptiness in his eyes, the necessary cruelty that was a warning and plea. He needed her hatred; he needed to regain the distance that must exist between them. He couldn’t be her mate. He had a greater destiny-as a king, as a conqueror. It had to be done.

“You’re used to being dead weight, then. I can't say I'm surprised.” 

She didn't cry. She didn't rage, or throw things at him. She didn't even speak. She looked him in the eyes-unblinking, uncowed, and completely shut off from him.

It took every bit of strength he had not throw himself at her feet and beg for forgiveness.

The bond closed, and the fury of the storm returned with a vengeance. It blew through him with an icy roar, making him feel hollow and brittle.

He stood at the edge of the spire, allowing the cold to settle in his bones, chill his blood, numb him to the misery of regret and self-loathing. When all was frozen, the voices in his head silenced, he closed his eyes and stepped off the ledge.

The fall was a few blessed seconds of breathless, weightless, nothing, and then wings carried him off into the endless night.


	7. Starlight and Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo mopes in a cave like the Emo Space Prince he is.

For days the only sound he heard was the occasional drip of water off the stalactites that hung a hundred feet above him, and his own resonant breathing.

He had slunk, weary and morose, to the shores of an underground lake in a vast cavern deep within a remote mountain. Its otherworldly beauty had taken him by surprise; the ceiling was covered with an unknown species of glowing fungi, a million pinpricks of luminescent blue light that hung like stars against a false sky. Their light reflected off the glass-like surface of the lake and highlighted the veins of blue Topaz visible in the rock walls, resulting in the sense of being suspended in the quiet, velvety blackness of space, looking out across the stars.

Despite its dark tranquility there was a mournful, lonely aura to it. Such radiance, and no one to see it. No one worthy, at least.

And yet he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He had remained in his dragon skin since his last encounter with _her_...a week or more ago? He had tried to numb himself into cold detachment, and when that didn’t work he had raged and destroyed his way across half the planet. Wrung out and completely lost, he had crawled into the nearest hole to lose himself in the unfeeling darkness. 

But instead, what waited for him at the bottom of that hole was starlight, and regret.

Normally his dragon nature was less complicated; still _him_ in many ways, but also still a beast with a beast’s simpler needs. He’d harbored a small, desperate hope that losing himself to the beast and avoiding the complexity of human emotions would offer some respite.

He’d swiftly learned that what a dragon wanted most of all, what _Ben Solo's _dragon wanted more most of all, more than power and conquest and destruction, was its mate by its side. The yearning was amplified by the cave itself with its abundance of blue Topaz, the crystal the draka associated with love and loyalty. Its song was low, lulling notes that filled and soothed, but in the starlit solitude the melody only mocked him, echoing endlessly in the empty space where his soulmate should be.

So there was no relief from the guilt, no escaping what he had said. His mental defenses lay in ruins as their last conversation played through his head on repeat.

_You’re used to being dead weight, then. I can't say I'm surprised._

He had taken words he didn’t mean and turned them into weapons, attacking an innocent girl who had done nothing to him. He had struck at her with deliberate cruelty, but it felt as though it had left a wound in himself as well. 

Or perhaps, he wondered, it had only plunged deeper into a hurt that already existed. Maybe a tear in his soul had been there since birth and had steadily grown, cutting deeper with each night that he fell asleep waiting for his parents to get home, each look of fear and overheard argument, until the last touch of his father’s hand on his cheek as the light went out of his eyes.

He thought that deed had truly split his spirit to the bone. But now he knew that there had been a little bit of goodness left in him to destroy.

The anger in her eyes hadn’t bothered him-he needed her anger, needed that hate to reinforce the walls that must exist between them. Even the hurt was useful, because hurt was just anger that hadn’t hardened yet.

No, the worst part, the part that left him filled with bitter shame all these days later, was the briefest flash of _resignation_, like she accepted his words as truth because she had heard them before. Maybe not in so many words, but at some point she had been made to feel unwanted, a burden, and oh how familiar he was with the crushing weight of that knowledge.

_“Why don’t you just ask my parents? If you can find them, that is. They got rid of me easily enough.”_

Why have a child if you don’t plan on cherishing it?

If he was not who he was, if he was _good_, he would spend every day of his life convincing her that she was beautiful, and priceless, and the most important thing in all of the realms. He would worship her with his words and body and his time, and she would never have cause for that look in her eyes again.

But he wasn’t good, and he wasn’t free to be that for her, and so she was surely lost to him now. And he wondered how, after spending so long keeping her at a cold distance, it could possibly still hurt this much. He had long denied himself the hope of a future filled with love, but hope denied was not nearly as devastating as hope lost forever.

A new sound breached his senses, pulling him from his thoughts. Small rocks skittered down the tunnel that opened up into the cave, and his keen ears picked up the scrape of dragon scales against the floor, and the low rumbling noise that dragons made when using echolocation in the dark. 

Within moments the shape of another dragon was visible in the dim light. In the pale blue glow its red scales appeared darker, nearer to the black of dried blood. Everything about it was long, and lean; its thin body that seemed to slink just above the ground, narrow, tapered wings, and an elongated face with two slim, spiral horns that protruded several feet back from its head.

The creature gave off an overall impression of perpetual hunger. There was only one dragon Kylo knew who could look half-starved and yet so graspingly self-important. 

Hux.

Kylo was instantly alert, though outwardly he maintained the appearance of sleep. In the back of his mind he knew a prolonged absence would have been noticed by Snoke, particularly with their plans so close to fruition. Draka were fiercely independent and normally refused to be constrained by timelines. Of course _he_ had never been afforded that freedom. Family, Masters, even goddesses...his life had always been dictated by the will and expectations of others.

Hux paused at the tunnel’s opening and sniffed the air. Within a few seconds he turned his head to where Kylo lay on the lakeshore. 

_Lord Snoke demands your presence. _

The message was an oily brush against his mind, in the telekinetic way that the draka used while in their dragon skin. This type of communication wasn’t normally unpleasant, but Hux’s communiques also carried a taint that lingered.

Kylo slowly turned his head, unhurried and unimpressed. 

_And you’re his message boy now? That’s quite a demotion._

The other dragon snarled and snapped its teeth. 

_Lord Snoke trusted me in finding you when you failed to check in. It’s obvious you’ve had some sort of emotional crisis_, Hux sneered with his usual priggishness. _Careful Ren, that your personal issues not interfere with orders from Lord Snoke._

He considered the smaller dragon for a moment, but antagonizing Armitage Hux wasn’t worth any more of his time nor the energy. Returning to reality was inevitable; there was no point putting it off any longer.

_I wouldn’t want Lord Snoke to lose faith in your abilities, General._ He made a dismissive gesture towards the tunnel. _After you._

With Hux making his way into the tunnel, Kylo turned for one last look at the twinkling cave, where for a little while he hadn’t had to be anything other than himself-even if being himself meant acknowledging all that he had lost.

It hardly seemed real now, with Hux there, and with him the reminder of the inescapable destiny that awaited him on the surface. He felt the mental walls being erected in his mind once again, shutting him off from anything that might hurt or make him vulnerable. Brick by brick, until any softness of Ben Solo was hidden away and only the brutal mask of Kylo Ren remained.

But as he followed Hux up to the surface, he suspected that if he turned around for one last look, he’d see the lonely spectre of a dragon still lying under a subterranean sky, waiting for its mate.

They reached the surface and wordlessly took off. Draka mountain cities and personal dwellings were already spread out-too many dragons in one area was a recipe for conflict-but Kylo was surprised by how far he had flown in his foul mood. The better part of a day and hundreds of miles passed before they saw the familiar silhouette of the mountain complex appearing out of the bleak landscape. 

They landed and went directly to Snoke’s throne room. The old man seemed to be waiting for them, tall and imposing on his throne of obsidian.

“Ah, General Hux. You found him.”

“It wasn’t that hard, my Lord” the General replied, shooting Kylo a baleful side eye. “I merely looked for signs of a tantrum.”

Kylo ignored the barb, sinking down to one knee with his head bowed in deference. “I apologize for my absence, Master. I was in my other skin and lost track of time.”

“A bad habit of the former Consort, as I recall." Snoke dismissed Hux with a wave of his hand and waited until he had left before turning his attention back to Kylo. "Perhaps you have too much of your father’s heart in you, young Solo.”

Kylo's eyes shot up in disbelief.

“I killed Han Solo," he protested hotly. "When the moment came, I didn’t hesitate!” he snapped, nearly trembling with fury. 

He had done _everything_ his Master had ever asked of him, losing what felt like his very soul in the process. Would anything he did ever be enough? Would Snoke always doubt his dedication?

_Are you dedicated, though?_, a new voice whispered in his mind._ Or are you trapped? _

“And yet I still sense conflict in you, and a lack of resolve!" Snoke shouted, rising from his throne. "You are unbalanced, and the darkness devours those who lack the strength of will to control it. If you cannot master yourself, then you cannot master another, and you, Kylo Ren, Heir Apparent of King Vader, were meant to master entire realms.”

Kylo lowered his eyes back to the stone floor, swallowing back his and breathing deeply through his nose. He waited a moment, until he was sure his voice wouldn’t betray his frustration.

“I apologize, Master. By the grace of your training I will be ready for the task ahead.”

“We shall see.” He studied Kylo for a long moment with glacial, unreadable eyes, and then seemed to come to a decision.

“Come. I have something to show you.”

* * *

Snoke led him deep into the maze of tunnels that crisscrossed the mountain, further down than he had ever had reason to go before.

The halls became darker and rough hewn the lower down they went, and Kylo was just noticing that they hadn’t encountered another person for some time when suddenly Snoke stopped at a blank wall of stone. With a wave of his hand a concealed door rose in front of them and they stepped into a room that hummed with quiet activity. 

It was a laboratory of some kind, though Kylo couldn’t even begin to guess what could be so secret that it was kept concealed at the very bottom of an already secret mountain fortress.

Hux was already there and swiftly made his way over to them, standing at attention before Snoke.

“General Hux, give the Crown Prince a report.”

Hux straightened his already ramrod posture, preening at the chance to show off his accomplishments.

“Weapons production has met all of its forecasting goals and is approximately 27 days ahead of schedule. As I’m sure you’re aware, we have completed 5,000 units each of the blaster rifles, riot control batons, and lightsabers for hand to hand combat. 500 laser cannons, 10,000 exceptionally trained troops...”

He tuned out as Hux droned on with his spiel of details and numbers he already knew. His attention was drawn to the colossal kyber crystal that stood in the center of the room. 

It was easily seven feet tall, and so wide he doubted he could wrap his arms around it and have his fingers touch. But where most crystals were opaque, this one was almost completely transparent. If you weren’t looking directly at it it was difficult to make out. When he reached out with his senses to find it’s magical signature it was shadowy and hard to grasp.

“What will that be used for,” he asked in the middle of Hux’s recitation of body armor modifications, pointing at the massive crystal.

Hux looked irritated at the interruption but answered him. “It’s a ghostfire crystal. The largest and rarest ever found. They are unspeakably powerful, and this one is even more powerful than we anticipated,” he informed them with barely restrained glee. “By my calculations, it will detonate with enough force to level the entirety of Hanna City, completely wiping out the human government and leadership. Whatever resistance the pitiful human armies can muster after that will be easily handled.”

So that was what they were hiding at the bottom of a mountain-a weapon capable of more destruction than had previously been imagined.

The first trickle of unease unfurled in his gut. Hanna City was the largest in the human realm, with a population of half a million, if not more. No draka, with the exception of his mother, had much respect for the lives of humans, but the thought of one weapon being capable of wiping out that many at once…

It wasn’t as easy to imagine as he'd thought.

“It’s just a raw crystal. How is it used as a weapon?” he asked, walking around the perimeter of the room and studying the weapons being built on the laboratory’s tables. They looked similar to the technology behind the light sabers, only on a bigger scale. The kyber crystals used were larger, but instead of a short hilt, they were housed in a wide-barreled device that was fired from the shoulder.

“The crystal will be charged by these specially designed portable shoulder fire laser cannons.They fire plasma beams much like the sabers, but instead of the beams arcing back after a few feet to create a finite blade, these beams will travel much further. Soldiers will be stationed outside the perimeter of the city, and the ghostfire crystal will be smuggled within the city itself.”

Hux led them to a table with a scale model of Hanna City. Twelve pieces, each representing a drakan soldier, were arranged in a perfect circle around the city, with a model of the crystal in the center. Blue lines, indicating the path of the lasers, connected eleven of the pieces to the crystal’s location, but not the twelfth piece.

Having built his own lightsaber, he knew one crucial component was missing. “But what is the power source?”

“You are,” Snoke interjected smoothly. “Your final test as a Dark Mage apprentice. You will be stationed outside the city as well,” he said, pointing to the twelfth piece. “Once the secondary lasers have focused on the central crystal, you will draw on your power and detonate it.”

_This_ is what he had been training for? Countless torture sessions spent blowing up dozens of stone pillars, and now he would use that knowledge to level an entire city. A single moment of magic, and then the blood of 500,000 souls on his hands.

When he envisioned invading the human world he knew death was an inevitable part of war, but the scale of what they were describing almost defied comprehension. Everyone in the city would perish. The government leaders in the marble halls of the Senate. The merchants hawking their wares on market street. The women standing in their doorways, bouncing crying infants. The beggars in the alleys who stank and cowered in fear when he walked by. 

Poe and his father, both men he had known since childhood and held grudging respect for.

His mate, unless he managed to get her out and to a new safe house.

All killed, not by faceless, nameless draka soldiers but by _him_.

He kept his face carefully composed as Snoke put a heavy hand on his shoulder. It was aged and spotted, and the nails were long and filed to a point. He swallowed down a surge of bile laced with a trace of inexplicable dread.

“It will be the greatest test you have ever faced,” Snoke continued in an almost gentle, fatherly tone that Kylo once would have taken comfort from. “You must train even more intensely in these final days, familiarizing yourself with the crystal’s magical signature and increasing your power’s range. Our success is all dependent on you. I trust you will not fail me in this.”

Snoke’s eyes never left his face, and he had the sense that the older man was carefully studying his reaction for any trace of hesitance. He kept his face carefully blank.

“Of course, Master, I…” he trailed off suddenly.

The sense of unease had grown, becoming a prickling sensation under his skin that set his teeth on edge. His breath came out in sharp, uneven pants, his body tense and primed to attack though no threat could be identified.

He desperately searched his senses for a cause, and finally, as though from very far away, came a dim impression of a struggle, and low, cruel laughter.

Then understanding ripped through him with icy, shocking clarity, and in horror he knew what was wrong, why his instincts were screaming at him and dread pulsed in his veins.

She was in danger. He had to get to her, _now_.

“Ex..excuse me, Master,” he stammered, already nearly mindless with the need to protect his mate. “I have something I must….must take care of. I will return as soon as I can.”

He was backing up as he spoke, turning to go the second the words were out of his mouth. If Snoke or Hux tried to stop him he didn’t notice, only able to hear the frantic beating of his heart and the rush of blood in his ears, and he prayed to the Goddess he’d get to her in time.

The nearest portal was too far away.

_I’m coming, Rey. Please hold on._

* * *

Lord Snoke watched his young apprentice flee the room with suspicious, calculating eyes. Kylo Ren was hiding something from him, and it was time to find out what it was.

His cold gaze swung to Hux and he gave a subtle nod towards the door that Ren had just exited. Hux’s thin lips pressed into a grim, satisfied smirk, and he bowed deeply before silently following after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I want to say sorry for how delayed this chapter was! I had really hoped to get it out last weekend but we're traveling and I didn't end up having as much time to write as I hoped. Thank you to all the people who VERY politely inquired about a next chapter...it helps immensely in getting me motivated! I cherish every single comment I get.
> 
> I'm not really happy with the last section-I was rushing to try and get it done and not spending as much time on the technical aspects of the weapon/invasion as I would like. Might go back and add to it later once I get more inspiration.
> 
> I have the story clearly mapped out for the next few chapters so I swear I will not let 5-6 weeks go by again without updating. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


	8. Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was leaving. 
> 
> Of course she was leaving. She didn’t have much to her name that hadn’t been recently purchased or otherwise provided by him-practically nothing, in fact-but she did have her pride. And so help her, she wasn’t going to spend one more day imprisoned and dependent on his grudging generosity like a songbird in a gilded cage. 
> 
> But she wasn’t even as useful as a songbird, was she? No. She was dead weight.
> 
> Well she wouldn't be burdening him any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Walks in 5 weeks later*
> 
> Writing is hard. And I am slow at it.
> 
> 1) Credit to user Shawna Madsen for the songbird/gilded cage analogy!
> 
> 2) I have updated chapter count! It's approximate but gives you a good idea.
> 
> 3)CONTENT WARNING: I have updated the tags, but there is potentially triggering content in this chapter re violence against a woman (not perpetrated by Kylo). If you'd like spoilers please check the notes at the end. And PLEASE let me know if you believe the fic needs particular or more specific tags for this.
> 
> 4) CHECK OUT THIS AWESOME MOODBOARD BY @emchewchew. It's the first one I've ever gotten and let me tell you, I cried in the middle of the grocery store when I got it. THANK YOU EM <3  


_Where was that blasted cloak?_

Rey tore through the laundry basket for the third time, gently nudging BB away every time he came to sniff the growing pile on the floor. The golden pup was the joy of her life, but an absolute terror when it came to stealing socks.

She growled when she reached the bottom of the basket. The cloak wasn’t in her wardrobe, or on the hook near the front door. And she had determined beyond any doubt that it was not in the laundry.

Where could it be? The others could come home at any moment, and she had to be gone before that happened.

She was leaving. 

Of course she was leaving. She didn’t have much to her name that hadn’t been recently purchased or otherwise provided by him-practically nothing, in fact-but she did have her pride. And so help her, she wasn’t going to spend one more day imprisoned and dependent on his grudging generosity like a songbird in a gilded cage. 

But she wasn’t even as useful as a songbird, was she? No. She was _dead weight_.

Well she wouldn't be burdening him any longer.

_I should have punched that overgrown lizard right in his stupid, perfect nose._

Her fist probably would have sailed harmlessly through his face, much like her gardening spade had that first time. Still. It would have felt good. And it was the least he deserved.

She’d thought she had pretty thick skin, having grown up in the Jakku desert among the cutthroat, life-hardened scavengers. Working for that coarse bully Plutt had certainly taught her to let insults slide right off. But Kylo’s words had sliced deep, past her defenses and into a soft, hidden part of her that wanted to be _wanted_. 

She could have sworn she’d seen softness in his eyes for a moment, and even the beginnings of a blush when she’d asked about the bond influencing their dreams. 

Oddly enough, the dreams...those dreams...had stopped. It was helpful, actually. It was easier to plan an escape from a so-called soulmate when your nights weren’t subconsciously devoted to getting naked and as close to him as physically possible.

If the dreams had stopped, perhaps their meetings would stop too. It had been nine days since their last connection; nine days since he’d sat across from her in the garden and coolly eviscerated any chance of feelings between them. Since then she’d only had a few quiet dreams of floating alone in an ocean of stars; she woke up feeling rested, but inexplicably sad.

Perhaps he had finally found a way to break... whatever this was between them and rid himself of her, as he’d so graciously put it.

In that case, she was just leaving before he had the chance to kick her out.

That had been her mistake in Jakku. She had waited too long, foolishly long, before giving up and moving on. 10 long years, counted in thousands of scratches on a rusted metal wall; a memorial to an entire childhood wasted on waiting.

She’d always known this could only be a temporary situation. It was laughable that he’d really thought she would remain under his thumb for the rest of her life. But it had been...nice, here. Comfortable even, surrounded by warmth and laughter and genuine companionship.

She _hated_ that she was leaving without telling them. She had come close to telling Rose a dozen times over the last week. In every lull in a conversation, while they kneaded dough for biscuits or pulled weeds in the garden, every time she wanted to say something, but...couldn’t.

It pained her to keep it from Finn and Jannah as well, who took her safety very seriously and had faithfully continued her lessons in the quarterstaff until she was marginally proficient. She hoped they didn’t feel responsible, or that they’d failed at their job; it’d taken her days to carefully craft unsuspicious reasons for them to all be away from the house at the same time.

She was unaccustomed to duplicity, and it felt exceptionally rotten. But every time she opened her mouth to explain to them why, tell them about the soulmate bond constantly forcing them together, how much he despised her and why she _had to leave_, excuses presented themselves.

_The less they knew, the less likely they were to get in trouble. _

_If they knew, they might try and stop her._

She knew they’d been hired to do a job; she knew what it was like to absolutely depend on an income. She couldn’t ask them to choose loyalty to her over loyalty to the person who paid their wages. She felt horrible even thinking it, and she would not at all blame them if they did, but she couldn’t risk even the smallest chance they might tip off Poe, or Kylo himself.

And Poe...she knew he and Kylo had a history, but had never asked the details. It had been her habit to avoid mentioning Kylo unless absolutely necessary, and Poe had never volunteered any information. She liked him, but when it came to her, he ultimately answered to the Dragon Prince as well, didn’t he?

Shame ate at her, knowing they would all be left without jobs anyways. She’d left them all the money she could spare, and written a very detailed note, making it quite clear that they were exemplary employees and her escape was through no fault of their own. She hoped they read it and heard the affection she held towards all of them; she hoped they quickly found new work, and eventually found it in their hearts to forgive her. 

But she couldn’t go anywhere until she found that thrice-damned cloak. Summer was fading into fall and the nights came earlier and brisker. She had several cloaks, but the dark gray Gaberwool one was her warmest, and she’d need it on the long journey to Canto Bight. 

It was the only place she could think to go. She hadn’t forgotten about the fathiers, or stopped wondering-and worrying-about their fate in the Canto Bight’s infamous racing stables. She knew she could find a job caring for them again, what with her experience, and enough bull-headed persistence. 

Plus, it was far enough away that hopefully she couldn’t be easily tracked, despite what Kylo had once said about being able to find her through the bond no matter the distance. 

She snorted. Surely with enough effort he can resist such odious urges.

She’d disappear; he’d probably be relieved. They would both go on with their lives.

She paused in her searching to let BB out to do his business in the garden. She’d decided to bring the little scamp with her. Maybe it was selfish, but she was saying too many goodbyes. He’d been a gift, after all. But more than that...he was the one little soul in all the realms who loved her. He was the only family she had.

Her well-worn mantra bolstered her spirit. _It was enough._

She was healthy. She had a plan. She had BB. It was enough.

She had just set her packed bag at the front door when she remembered that she had had her cloak up on the roof the other night. Maybe she’d left it there?

She breathed a deep sigh of relief when she found it sitting on the rooftop bench, a little dusty but still serviceable. _Now_ she could leave.

She paused on her way down the ladder for one last glance at the garden she had invested so much time in. It was the setting for some of her happiest memories; pruning rose bushes with Rose, laughing and stumbling through quarterstaff lessons with Finn and Jannah. Serene summer evenings under the willow tree with a glass of iced tea, watching the fireflies dance in the twilight.

It was the most peace she had ever known. She hoped the house’ next occupants were able to enjoy it for longer than she had.

She climbed the rest of the way down and called for BB.

“Come on Butter Ball! Inside!”

She waited at the back door, frowning when the chubby pup failed to appear. Usually he ran obediantly towards her as soon as he heard her voice.

“BB?” she called again, checking the garden paths and under the musk-rose bushes where he sometimes liked to dig holes “Come, boy.”

She reached the back of the garden with no sight of him, and then her stomach dropped.

The back gate was open.

_No! Not now, not today._

Her frustration was swiftly replaced by concern. The sun was dipping towards the horizon, and dusk would soon be bathing the city in murky shadows. She needed to find BB before he disappeared into the night and was lost to the city’s depths.

She ran to the back gate, but turned and raced back to the porch to grab her quarterstaff. Hopefully she found BB quickly, but if she didn’t...she’d feel better having it with her. 

The back gate opened up into a quiet alley that ran between the back gardens of the parallel streets. There was no sign of BB, so picking a direction, she ran to the end and into the residential street that crossed it. 

No luck.

She quickly retraced her steps to the other side of the alley, but that street was empty as well, but for an older couple out for an evening walk.

Rey jogged over to them. “Excuse me, but have you seen a loose puppy in the last fifteen minutes? Golden orange fur, about 18 pounds, very friendly?”

The grandmotherly woman sympathetically shook her head. “I’m sorry, dear. We haven’t. But I do hope you find it.”

Rey mustered a smile. “Thanks. Have a good evening.”

She walked past them, tugging one of her buns in frustration. This was inefficient; she could spend days looking in all possible directions and never choose the right one at the right time. She could miss him by miles, or by one street. She needed to think-to use logic and her knowledge of animals.

_Where would a curious, eternally hungry puppy go?_

He’d probably listen to his stomach, and follow his nose.

She turned and headed towards the market, hoping she was right and that he’d followed the aroma of cooking meat and baking pastries that always hung temptingly in the market air.

Half an hour later, after checking every row and asking everyone she encountered, she had no pup. She did possess the knowledge that a dog meeting his description had been seen playing in (and knocking over) woven baskets, chewing on an outraged shoe vendor’s fine leather wares, and/or attempting to steal bites from a spinning cone of seasoned nerf meat.

That sounded about right...unfortunately. Maybe she should try some puppy training on the long road to Canto Bight.

She began branching off into streets the led away from the market, hoping he hadn’t strayed too far, and that some kind soul hadn’t looked into his lost, adorable face and mistakenly concluded that he needed a home. 

That thought set her off down a dark rabbit trail of self-recrimination.

_Maybe he does deserve a new home. If anything has happened to him it’s all my fault. What kind of irresponsible puppy owner doesn’t check the back gate? And I plan to travel hundreds of miles with him, and then have him live in a racing stable? That’s so selfish, he’s better off without me, I’ll only-_

She stopped, realizing she’d reached a dead end. Tall tenement buildings rose up on either side of her, casting the narrow street in dusky shadows. Hanna City’s main roads had fire columns to light the way at night, but most side streets like this one were dark unless it was a nicer neighborhood.

Rey wearily rubbed her eyes. _Get it together. You’re not going to find him beating yourself up and getting yourself lost._

She turned to retrace her steps, and track down a torch before it was fully dark.

Five men stood in the gloom, blocking her way.

While they looked big, and tough, and somewhat less than friendly, she tried not to jump to conclusions. Maybe they had a good reason for standing in the middle of the road, staring at her. Maybe they lived on this street. Maybe they could tell she was lost, and wanted to offer assistance. Maybe they were also looking for a lost pet, with...knives and clubs?

_Shit. Shit shit SHIT._

A squat, leering fellow took a few steps towards her. “Well, well, boys, look at the goods we have here! Finer than usual.” 

Another eyed her critically. “She’ll bring a fine price as well.”

Her stomach dropped like a stone; not looking for lost pets, then. She wasn’t just dealing with ordinary street thugs, either. These must be Karazak slavers.

Even in the wastes of Jakku she’d heard talk of these bastards, a shady cooperative that made their fortune by kidnapping and selling humans, among other species. Slavery was illegal in the human realm, but there were always those with enough money and arrogance to think themselves above the law.

And if they couldn’t find a buyer here, there were untold realms in existence where slavery _was_ legal. It was easy to disappear with illicit human cargo if you had access to a black market portal. 

This was _not_ what she’d meant by wanting to disappear.

She gripped her staff tightly in her hand, thanking all the gods in existence that she had taken the time to go back for it.

A bald, barrel chested brute slowly edged towards her, a thick wooden club in one hand. Binders dangled from his belt. In her peripheral vision, she saw a second slaver slip away from the group and begin to circle around behind her.

“Come on, pet. Come quietly; we’ve got you surrounded. Be a good girl and don’t give us any trouble, hmm?”

His condescending tone lit a fire in her, burning off the fear that thrummed in her ribcage, muting the sounds of her heartbeat rushing in her ears.

“Sorry...I plan on giving you lots of trouble,” she spat. She held her quarterstaff with both hands, taking the starting position Jannah had made her practice over and over until she perfected it.

The slavers laughed.

“A scrappy thing like you?” said the bald brute. “I could knock you down and hogtie you with my two little fingers.”

“Go on and try it, then,” Rey replied, trying to keep eyes on all of them and predict who would attack first. Or should she attack first? Once they got her surrounded it would be impossible to fight them all off.

Making a split second decision, she rushed the bald brute, driving the staff squarely into his paunchy abdomen. As he hunched over in pain she was already in a spin, swinging the end of the staff to connect solidly with the back of his head.

She didn’t look back to see if he had fallen, but moved on to the next man in her way. He was her height and rail thin, but clutched two wicked looking serrated knives in his fists.

Thankfully, she had the advantage of a longer reach. Without overthinking it, she let her muscles remember the offensive strikes she had learned to use against a knife-wielding attacker- swift strike to the head, then use the momentum to swing the staff down and sweep the legs. 

She wanted to shriek in exultation when it actually worked and the slaver crashing hard to the ground, but she didn’t have the time. With him out of the way, she had an opening.

She bolted past the two fallen slavers, confident she could outrun them until she reached busier streets. She made it fifteen feet before something tripped her, and she fell to the ground with a cry.

Her legs were entangled by a bola, a thick woven cord with weighted balls at each end. She struggled frantically to pull them off, but the loops were too tight to slip over the heel of her boots.

It was only a few seconds before they were upon her. She was pushed onto her stomach; a knee was swiftly pressed into her back, and she grit her teeth as her face was shoved into the dirt and gravel of the road. The weight on her back made it difficult to breath but she never stopped moving, kicking her legs, moving her arms, and desperately trying to roll over. Whoever was on top of her tried to drag her arms back to bind them. She turned her head and bit into a forearm until she tasted blood.

“Oy, this one’s a feral little bitch! A little help, Hez?”

Over the noise of grunts and curses and scuffling bodies she heard the crackle-snap of an electro-shock prod being turned on.

Her mind went blank with panic, and she struggled and fought with renewed fury. They _couldn’t_ knock her out, because then it would really be over.

She got a hand free and swung her elbow, feeling it connect with human tissue. It must have hurt-immediately a meaty hand slammed her head into the ground. She couldn’t hold back the shriek that tore out of her throat.

Then there was a roar of rage, and surprised shouts. Rey blinked blearily in confusion as the electro-shock prod landed in front of her face. The weight on her back abruptly vanished; as she gulped in a blessedly full breath she felt a warm spray across her back. 

She rolled over and stared in frozen shock at the bloody scene playing out in front of her. Two slavers were already dead, eyes vacant and deep red pools of blood spreading out from their slashed throats.

It wasn’t that that made her mouth drop, her heart stutter in disbelieving wonder.

Fighting the last three slavers was Kylo Ren. 

It couldn’t even be described as a fight; he dispatched them with lethal ease. He had always moved with a predatory sort of grace, but _gods._ She’d never seen anything like him. He attacked with smooth, lightening-fast precision, plunging one dagger into the stomach of slaver and spinning to cut the throat of another.

But his eyes-if his movements were controlled his eyes were the opposite; feral and savage, pupils blown with transcendent rage. 

The third slaver’s body hadn’t even hit the ground before he was untangling the bola from her legs and hauling her into his arms.

He was so _warm_.

That was her first thought as she found herself completely enveloped by him. One large hand cradled the back of her head while the other arm crushed her against his chest. His head was buried in her neck, his breath a soft heat against her collarbone as he whispered assurances over and over.

“I’ve got you, Rey. It’s over. They can’t hurt you, no one will ever hurt you.”

The abject terror that had raced through her veins began to fade, and overwhelming relief replaced it. Instinctively she clutched him in return, sighing at the rightness of being here within the circle of his embrace. The feeling of safety and strength was foreign, and utterly intoxicating.

Feeling her begin to return the embrace, Kylo held her even closer and pressed a single, fleeting kiss into her hair. Warmth fanned out from the spot where his lips had touched her.

_Oh._

Maybe this soulmate business wasn’t so bad.

_Hold on..._

She stiffened suddenly and broke free of his grasp, trying to shrug off the immediate unease she felt at the loss of contact. His eyes flashed with rage when he saw her face and the scrapes and swelling from when she'd been slammed into the ground, but she ignored it. “What do you care if I’m alright? Haven’t you found a way _to rid yourself of_ _me_ yet?”

He took a step back, suddenly wary and subdued. 

“I...should not have said those things to you,” he murmured. It seemed like his version of an apology. It wasn’t good enough.

“And yet you did," she retorted. “Why?”

He didn’t answer right away, collecting his daggers from the ground and wiping them off on one of the dead men’s shirts. He sheathed them and turned to her, but she didn’t give him a chance to explain.

“It’s because I’m human, isn’t it? Because you’re a prince, and I’m nothing to your kind. I'm an _embarrassment_ of a soulmate.”

He flinched, almost imperceptibly, but she caught it. “It was, at first,” he admitted. “But you’re not nothing. Not to me. I wouldn’t survive it if anything happened to you, Rey.”

Outrage bloomed in her chest. “Oh, so you only saved me out of concern for yourself!”

“No,” He growled in frustration, stepping back in her space. He grasped her upper arms and she hated how nice it felt to be touched again. “I wasn’t thinking about my life, or the risks, or the fact that you’re human, or _anything_. All I could think about was you, getting to you in time. I shouldn’t have said what I did. None of it was true. I’m sorry.”

It felt like she was being torn apart. She wanted to stay mad. And she wanted to fall back in his arms, where it felt safe and warm. She wanted to make him pay for the terrible things he had said. And she wanted to find out if his lips, the lips that had actually just _apologized_ to her, tasted the same in reality as they did in her dreams. 

She wanted to reject his apology. But there was no mistaking the tortured sincerity in his eyes.

“Well...thanks. For..that,” she muttered, waving her hands in the direction of the dead bodies. She cleared her throat and forced herself to meet his eyes. “Thank you for coming. For...saving me.”

“I’ll always come for you, Rey...I see that now.” He murmured the last part almost to himself, his eyes shadowed with reflection and...anxiety? Like this revelation still wasn’t something that he welcomed.

She felt something new and fragile deflate inside her. 

The air grew awkward between them, the silence carrying on a beat too long. 

“Come. I’ll escort you back to the house. Or Poe’s, if you’d rather…” he trailed off when she shook her head. 

“No. I have to find BB. He got out and I can’t just leave him,” she said firmly.

“That’s why you were out? You weren’t…” he hesitated, but it was easy to fill in the blanks.

_You weren’t running away?_

She offered a half-hearted shrug. He could interpret that how he wanted; she didn't feel like she owed him any explanations.

“Okay,” he nodded finally. “I’ll help.”

She gave him a skeptical look. “Really?”

He nodded, swallowing hard. He looked so unsure and self-conscious, a far cry from the glacial, emotionless creature she had seen last time. Or from the feral, ruthless killer from moments ago.

It was...kind of endearing. And that was a confusing thing to feel. What had happened in the last week to cause such a change in him?

She could just send him on his way with a scathing rebuke. She’d certainly practiced enough of them in her head over the last week.

But..well..if one was going to be out looking for lost dogs in the dark, didn’t it _make sense_ to have a scary looking and armed dragon shifter with you, if he was offering?

It just made sense.

“Okay,” she agreed shakily, still a little in disbelief that he was actually _here_, and being so utterly _civil_, and saving her life as though he actually _valued_ it. Holding her, for a moment, like she was something precious. “We’ll need to grab some lanterns. It could take awhile.”

“It won't,” he said, tapping his nose almost sheepishly. 

That stupid, perfect nose.

He was right; it didn’t take long. A few streets-and one false alarm with a less than friendly stray--later, BB was found happily digging through a turned over dumpster behind a cantina. She called out his name in relief, and at her voice he yipped and bounded over to her, blithely unconcerned and completely unrepentant.

She dropped to her knees to scoop him up, but he swerved around her and headed directly for Kylo. More specifically, his boots.

“BB, no! BB release, boy! Sit, BB! Drop it!?!” Kriff, she really needed to start that puppy training. He was chewing on the toe of Kylo’s black leather boot with almost aggressive excitement.

“Get off, tiny menace,'' Kylo muttered, eyebrows drawn in a fierce scowl. He softly shook his foot to break BB’s hold, but the pup only growled adorably and sank his tiny teeth deeper into the leather.

She didn’t bother holding back the laughter that bubbled up. The image of the enormous, menacing dragon prince at the mercy of a tiny golden furball was downright therapeutic after the terror of her evening. His gentle treatment of BB was at odds with his aggrieved visage, and it did funny, swooping things to her insides.

“I’m glad you find this so amusing.” He glowered at her, but at the corner of his mouth was the tiny start of a smile. 

“I just never thought I’d see the day when a dragon needed rescuing from a four month old puppy,” she replied cheekily. She pulled BB away from his boots and into her arms, trying not to gratuitously breathe in the scent of him. Or the scent of BB, who was in desperate need of a bath after his little adventure.

She looked around in confusion.

“I have absolutely no idea where we are. So if you can smell us back to some main roads, I can get back from there.”

“I’ll escort you all the way home.”

“It’s really not necessary, I’m sure you’d ra-”

“Rey. You were almost taken by slavers tonight. I will see you home, or to Poe’s,” he said firmly. His eyes flashed with that scary, rage-y look again, and he flexed his hands as though remembering the feel of his daggers.

But then he drew a deep breath. And blinked.

“Please.”

She wondered how hard it was for him to use that word. And to a human no less.

“Fine. Since you asked so nicely,” she muttered. She clutched a wiggling BB tighter and motioned with her head for him to lead the way.

It was a quiet walk back, with Rey taking over once they reached familiar locations. She headed home, since it had been made quite clear that keeping the house's location a secret was pointless. How _had_ he found her so quickly? She wasn't sure she wanted to know.

They traveled in the dark, but Rey wasn’t bothered; after his display with the Karazak slavers, she figured she was probably the safest she had ever been in her entire life. It was a rather extraordinary feeling.

He only acknowledged her once, when he stopped suddenly and put a hand on her arm to do the same. He was tense, and spent several seconds breathing deeply, sniffing the air, but eventually shook his head and they resumed their silent journey.

It wasn’t a bad silence. They had never spent this much time together; their bond connections lasted only a few minutes at most, and generally ended with one or both of them infuriated. But it felt like they had reached a cautious sort of peace that evening, and neither wanted to disturb it.

They were walking up the path to the front door when it suddenly swung open and Rose dashed out and crushed Rey in a hug. 

When she pulled back Rey saw that her eyes were red and swollen like she’d been crying, and shame coiled in Rey’s stomach. She set BB down but he stayed at their feet, looking up and whining softly at the suddenly tense atmosphere.

Rose scanned her quickly, eyes wide with horror at seeing the road rash on her face and her torn and bloody tunic.

“What happened, Rey?? Are you alright? We were so worried! Jannah and Finn are out looking for you right now! We found your packed bag and your note and I can’t _believe_ you were just going to leave without even saying goo-” she broke off suddenly as Kylo stepped out of the shadows behind Rey. 

Rose’s wide eyes flew from Rey, to Kylo, and back to Rey. “Buuuuut we can talk about that later.” 

She shot Rey a _you-are-in-so-much-trouble_ death glare and then pasted on a smile and looked at Kylo. “Hi, I’m Rose.” 

Kylo reciprocated in a low murmur, but she felt his eyes boring into the back of her head. She straightened her back, refusing to be cowed. She was not going to apologize for trying to run, dammit. At least, not to him.

“I’m so sorry I worried you. I’m fine, really. I’ll tell you about it in a minute. I just need to...” She waved in Kylo’s general direction and tried to give Rose a reassuring smile.

Rose eyed Kylo once more, but acquiesced with only a faint frown. “I’ll go start some tea.”

_Thank you_, Rey mouthed, reaching out to squeeze her hand. Once Rose softly closed the door, Rey finally turned to face him.

His handsome face was carefully shuttered, but he chose, rather intelligently, not to say anything about the revelation that she had most definitely been planning on running away. Surely he knew it was justified.

But now that she knew how open and expressive his face could be, this blank mask felt foreign, false.

“Thank you for all your help this evening,” she said in a rush. “Hopefully I won’t need your”-she tried to find a better word for _super-scary-killing-and-tracking-skills_-”assistance...again.”

For the record, that was not a promise to never take off again. 

“You’re welcome. But if you do...” he rumbled, taking a step towards her, “remember how _easily_ and _swiftly_ I was able to offer that assistance.”

She shivered. He was so close that she had to crane her neck back to look at him. The blank mask was gone; he was staring at her with a thrilling intensity. His eyes were pitch black in the twilight; they glittered with a dark warning.

_You can run_, they whispered. _I will always find you._

_I’ll always come for you_, he’d said earlier. If there had been reluctance in his eyes then, there was none now.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” 

She should have been frightened, or outraged. Instead she felt something curiously like..relief? It didn’t sound like a threat; it sounded like a promise, and one he was eager to keep. Which meant maybe, _maybe_, he would always find her, always protect her, not because he had to, but because he was starting to want to. Starting to care.

And maybe it was reckless, but she liked it far more than his cool indifference. It wasn’t much for two people who were supposed to be soulmates, but it was surely it was something?

Silence settled between them, and Rey realized she had no idea where they went from here. They were still in this weird, unsought situation that didn’t make sense. He still turned into a dragon; she didn't. He was still royalty, a future _king,_ and she was still human, and an orphan. Rey Nobody, heir to nothing.

But now, at least, it felt like they were inching closer together, rather than further apart. 

She let herself slowly trace his face with her eyes. Noticed the way his eyes did the same to her.

“Goodnight, Kylo.”

She quickly slipped through the front door and shut it swiftly behind her. Leaning back against it, her eyes closed and she let out a sigh that welled up all the way from her toes.

She had no idea what would happen next, but she did know one thing. 

_Well, two things_, she thought, imagining Rose’s red rimmed eyes.

One, she’d made a huge error and owed her friends an apology. Like...colossal, down on her knees, groveling apology. She should have trusted them.

And two...It was time she had a long talk with Poe about Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Rey is almost kidnapped by slavers. She is knocked down, manhandled, and hit once but doesn't sustain serious injury. The slavers are quickly killed.


	9. Now it was awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But Rose was right. Having come so close to being taken by slavers, coming so close to dying, and then having him show up like he did-though more like an avenging demon than a fairy tale prince, in her opinion-which reminded her, she really needed to ask how, precisely, he had known where she was and that she needed help. If she was going to try and disappear again, she needed to know how to avoid setting off whatever unnatural dragon sensor he had that had alerted and guided him to her in the alley.
> 
> But the point was...something had changed.
> 
> Like..she searched for the words, and suddenly they were there, and she knew them to be true, even if she didn’t know what they meant.
> 
> Like there was something that had always been inside of her, and now it was awake.

Ren had a soulmate.

Or a whore-was there much difference? He didn’t know. Didn’t care, really.

But it was a lovely piece of information, wasn’t it? And she was _human_. How utterly degrading.

It wouldn’t change his plans by much. But having another thing to take from Ren would certainly sweeten the deal. 

It had been difficult, initially, to keep Ren in his sights-the black dragon had fled the mountain fortress like the spirits of Chaos were after him. He had had to sacrifice discretion for speed, but Ren had not looked back once.

What an utter fool. Just another reason why he was not worthy.

He had thought he must give up the chase once Ren turned and entered his warded apartments, but his own cunning had proven superior once again. On a hunch, he had taken the nearest portal to the human realm, and confirmed with the drakan guard that the Crown Prince had rather abruptly exited the embassy’s portal just a few minutes before.

He took _such_ pleasure in his own intellect.

After that it had merely been a game of cat and mouse, following Ren’s scent trail without getting close enough to be scented himself. 

And my, what a scene he had come upon! Dead humans lying in an alley, and the high and mighty Crown Prince on his knees with a human girl in his arms like some lovesick whelp.

It made him sick to his stomach, quite honestly. But seeing Ren debase himself with these inferior life forms only reinforced the necessity of his schemes.

For this was no king, no conqueror of worlds. This was a blunt instrument who lacked brains and a backbone. That was the problem with mages, he’d always thought; they relied too much on their magic and not enough on their own intelligence and industry. 

He’d thought he’d been made at one point, but the wind had shifted just enough to carry his scent away and avoid discovery. And now he knew where Ren’s precious..._whatever_ she was, lived.

Again...a lovely bit of information. Very useful.

Snoke, of course, would be incensed when he informed him that he had lost Ren at the portals. But he would kneel and beg his Lord’s forgiveness, and assure him that he wouldn’t fail next time.

Yes, he’d have quite a story for Lord Snoke next time.

* * *

Rey had no idea what she’d done to deserve such good friends. And she knew that’s what they really were, now. Friends. Not staff, or housemates, or Kylo Ren’s employees. Friends, who she cared for and trusted and who, she now understood, loved her in return.

They all sat in the living room, munching on the “discussion cookies” Rose had insisted on baking for the occasion. She had apologized for worrying them, and for keeping her departure a secret. They had hugged her and said they understood, but she could tell they were still slightly hurt that she hadn’t trusted them to take her side.

And so she told them her whole story- her abandonment by her parents as a young child, her struggle to survive as a scavenger in the Jakku desert, and her desperate decision to move to Hanna City. 

With flushed cheeks and fumbling words, she told them of how a formidable-looking draka had stomped into Plutt stables a few months ago, asking nosy questions about her family and then storming away with a swish of his black cloak and no explanations.

With a pointed look in his direction, she recounted how she’d firmly turned Poe down when he first approached her with his ridiculous request that she go with him.

He threw his hands up in the air. “I wanted you to turn me down!” he insisted with a chuckle.

Her voice wavered a bit as she told them about the fathiers, and losing her job, and the unlikely coincidence of Kylo showing up _right then_ to ask her to move to a safe house.

Rose and Jannah squealed and ‘awwwww’d at all the appropriate moments; how he seemed concerned when he saw her crying, and when he offered her his handkerchief to wipe her tears. She had them on the edge of their seats when she described the first time they had seen and talked to each other through a bond that was theoretically impossible.

She’d then answered numerous questions about what he looked like as a dragon-the size of his fangs, his wingspan, whether he had two legs or four, because according to Finn the former is _not_ a dragon but technically a wyvern.

There had been bursts of outrage and thrown pillows when she recounted Kylo’s cruel words about her being dead weight; it had produced a rush of warmth at the reminder that she actually had people on her side now.

They’d been horrified that she had almost been kidnapped by slavers-Finn and Jannah had cheered and clapped her on the shoulder when she’d described how she’d fought off them with her staff. If they were annoyed that they hadn't been there to protect her because she had intentionally tried to run away when they weren't home, well...they did a _mostly_ good job of hiding it.

They all gasped when Kylo had mysteriously appeared right as her vision was going dark from the hands wrapped around her throat. Their eyebrows rose-Poe’s nearly leaving his forehead entirely-when she told them he’d embraced her, and apologized for the hurtful things he’d said.

There was begrudging approval at the fact that he’d helped her find BB, and hadn’t even lost his temper when the fluffy rascal had chewed on his expensive boot. Poe had howled at that last bit until tears leaked from his eyes. He wouldn’t explain why it was so funny, just waved with his hand for her to continue while trying to catch his breath.

She kept a few details to herself-they didn’t need to know how his eyes changed color with the light and his mood, from hazel to brown to black. Or that she was becoming increasingly intrigued by his bold, slightly uneven nose, and thought she might have seen a glimpse of very large ears.

And she would go to her grave before she revealed the scandalous dreams that still occasionally plagued her, or that she was dying to run her fingers through his glossy dark hair. She’d described him as large and forbidding, but left out the distracting width of his chest and shoulders. And the size of his hands...

No...they definitely didn’t need to hear her thoughts on any of that.

“So what are you going to do now?” inquired Jannah when her story ended with Kylo returning her home the previous night. “Are you still determined to get away from him?”

She imagined packing all her stuff again, saying goodbye for a second time to her friends, the house, her garden. She thought about starting over in Canto Bight, the only friendly faces around her those of the fathiers and BB. 

She imagined never seeing his face again.  
  
“Assuming I even _can_ get away from him...honestly, I...have no idea,” she admitted, relieved to have finally said it out loud. Her admission hadn’t altered the warm, supportive looks on the faces, and she discovered another nice thing about having friends-she could be vulnerable and not be met with scorn or apathy. Her problems had always been hers alone to bear, but as she looked at the lovely people sitting around her, she hoped that maybe that was no longer the case.

“I only agreed to be here because I literally had nowhere else to go. And then I started to feel comfortable here, and felt guilty for feeling comfortable because I was doing exactly what he wanted me to do.” A slight frown furrowed her eyebrows. “And doing what he wanted seemed wrong, even if it meant I was safe and fed and looked after.”

_And happy_, she realized, looking down where BB slept with his head in her lap. Her complicated relationship with Kylo Ren aside, she’d found a measure of true happiness here. Her life wasn’t perfect by any means, but it possessed a serenity that for once didn’t feel forced.

“I was so angry and hurt after the things Kylo said, my first instinct was to protect myself, leave before he could get rid of me. And honestly...it’s still not something I’ve totally taken off the table. He’s unpredictable and angry and rude, and I can’t fathom how a dragon goddess thinks we’re perfect for each other, or why she thinks I’ll just go along with it.”

“And he turns into a dragon, which I mark as a point against,” Finn added.

“And he turns into a dragon,” she agreed. “But last night…” She paused, struggling to put words to the fragile new feeling that was blossoming inside of her.

Rose finished for her. “Last night he swooped in like a fairy tale prince and kicked ass for you. I saw the way he looked at you last night-he’s already half in love with you.”

Rey huffed out a laugh. “Are you sure it wasn’t deep-seated annoyance that you saw?”

“I’m positive,” Rose insisted with a confident nod. “I’m not saying you should marry the guy, but the stars could have fallen from the sky and he still wouldn’t have taken his eyes off you.”

A tiny, fluttering thrill ran through her stomach. It felt frighteningly close to hope. 

She shouldn’t care. He was still mostly awful. And yet.

“Er...well. If you say so,” she demurred. 

But Rose was right. Having come so close to being taken by slavers, coming so close to _dying_, and then having him show up like he did-though more like an avenging demon than a fairy tale prince, in her opinion-which reminded her, she really needed to ask how, _precisely_, he had known where she was and that she needed help. If she was going to try and disappear again, she needed to know how to avoid setting off whatever unnatural dragon sensor he had that had alerted and guided him to her in the alley.

But the point was...something had changed.

Like..she searched for the words, and suddenly they were _there_, and she knew them to be true, even if she didn’t know what they meant.

_Like there was something that had always been inside of her, and now it was awake._

She looked up to find everyone staring at her. Oh, kriff...she’d said that last bit out loud. 

She shook her head and laughed awkwardly. “Well. What’s really important is that being in this mess led me to you all. I’m grateful to Kylo’s goddess for that, at least.” Her face fell slightly.

“But I can’t imagine staying here forever, living off his charity as the soul mate he doesn’t know what to do with.” She forced a lighthearted grin, but even to her own ears she sounded decidedly glum. As if sensing her discouraged mood, BB’s eyes blinked open briefly and he gave her hand a warm, wet lick.

Poe had been quiet most of the evening, but now he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and fixing her with a serious stare. “If you could do whatever you wanted, what would you do?”

Was he the first person who had ever asked her that? She had never even asked herself that- it was just...never something she’d had the luxury to consider. 

“My whole life before this was just surviving from day to day,” she explained. “Maybe I convinced myself that that was all there was. And now I can take up gardening or learn the quarterstaff." She looked down at BB, giving him a mock glare. "Or teach a puppy some manners."

He continued to snore softly, unconcerned.

She sighed. "But even though I like those things, it doesn’t necessarily feel like there’s purpose behind them. That's what living in Jakku was good for-just staying alive was a pretty compelling purpose. There wasn't time or energy to think far beyond that."

“I knew my place in Jakku. I knew my place at Plutt's Stables. But this" she waved her hand to indicate the comfortably appointed living room, "...I don’t know where my place is in all this. I know I don’t want to be defined by my connection to Kylo. I am more than just a bloody soul mate!"

She looked down at her frayed cuticles. "But..." she began, in almost a whisper, "what if there's also the chance, the _outrageously_ _unlikely_ chance mind you, that...I..that he and I..." she swallowed, her throat closing around the words, the _ridiculous_ words, because _obviously_ there was no chance that they-

"That you could be happy together?" finished Rose gently, giving her an understanding smile. "It's okay to want that for yourself. I mean, don't _force_ yourself to want it just because he says your his soul mate and you think you have to. But you can let yourself want it if you think you might feel something for him. Because you deserve all the happiness and love in the world."

Rey felt tears prick the corners of eyes. She blinked them away quickly, but gave Rose a shaky smile of gratitude. "Thanks, Rose."

Finn came back from the kitchen, a refilled plate of the cookies Rose had made in one hand, and plopped down on the sofa next to her. “Whatever you decide, we’ll always be here for you, Rey. Even if we’re not paid to be.”

He slung an arm over her shoulders and pulled her in for a side hug. She leaned into it, giggling when he tried to stuff a cookie in her mouth.

“Finn’s right-we’re family, if you’ll have us," Jannah said. “And we’ll support you no matter what. If you want to let this guy woo you and move you into his dragon castle, then we’ll come visit. And if you want to kick him in the nutsack and run far, far, away, we’ll hold him down to give you a head start.”

Laughter bubbled out of her. “Thanks. I’ll let you know what I decide.”

* * *

She’d asked Poe to stay behind. He’d sat mostly silent through her long story, a thoughtful but indiscernible expression on his face.

The other three had wandered off to their own activities, after hugs and multiple reassurances that she wouldn’t disappear into the night. She refilled their drinks-Corellian wine for him, herbal tea for her-and then sat across from him.

“So….,” she trailed. Gods, she’d been so determined to have this conversation with him; why couldn’t she get the bloody words out?

He chuckled. “I’m guessing you didn’t ask me to stay for a friendly game of Dejarik.”

She blushed and looked down, worrying a hangnail on her left thumb. “Er....no. I didn’t.”

“Well, go on then,” he drawled, with an encouraging wink.

She drew in a fortifying breath. “Before I make any major decisions about whether to stay or go, I...I want to know more about him. And you know him best,” she said, finally looking up from her nails.

Poe raised an eyebrow.

“Or better than I do, at least,” she rushed to add.

A slight grin tipped up one corner of his mouth. “Oh? You think he was always showing up to rescue me and holding me in his arms after? It sounds like you've seen a side of him that no one has.”

She felt the heat of a blush creep up her cheeks. Maybe she should have left that part out. “It’s not the same.”

“What isn’t?”

She stood and began pacing the room, suddenly overflowing with restless energy.

“Sure, we’ve shared these random, intense moments, but I don’t really know him, or anything about him. I don’t know what his interests are, what his family is like. I barely know anything about the Draka in general, or how their soul mate bond works, or how their so-called Goddess decides two people should be together.”

She threw her arms out in frustration. “I have a soul mate and I have no idea what that really means!”

“Hasn’t he explained any of it to you?” Poe asked.

“Barely anything,” she growled, sinking back into the chair. “We’re not great at communicating.” 

Her traitorous brain decided to remind her that they communicated in her dreams just _fine._

She dug her fingernails into the palm of her hands to drive away the explicit images now dancing through her brain. “There’s so much I want to know, need to know, if I’m going to…"

“Try and make this work?”

She held up one hand. “I’m not even sure I want this to work. But...it should be an informed decision, don’t you think?”

Poe turned his eyes heavenward, as though begging for divine patience.

“Love is rarely an informed decision, Rey.” He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I can fill you in on basic Drakan history and my experience with their culture, and what Kylo was like as a child. But as for his interests and motivations, and what he’s really been up to the last 18 years...that can only come from him, Rey.”

“Fair enough,” she nodded.

"And I am definitely leaving the..._particulars_...of the soul mate bond to him to explain," he said firmly. His mouth twitched, trying not to grin.

She rolled her eyes. "That bad, huh?"

He let the grin spread across his face. "I've heard some things. But it's probably different for a Draka with a human mate. You _are_ the first, you know. So maybe you get to make new rules."

She didn't mind the sound of that.

Poe briefly explained he had come to spend his adolescence in the Drakan realm; his father had been volunteered to take the post of ambassador to the Drakan realm when he was 8. His mother had recently died, and in his grief his father leapt at the chance to flee the family home and all the memories of his beloved wife.

Poe and the young prince had been tutored together, taken their meals together, and generally forced into most extracurricular activites together.

“I think they hoped we’d be best friends, learn from each other and foster tolerance, forge alliances for the next generation, and all that diplomatic nonsense,” Poe explained. “But it didn’t work. Kylo acted like being forced to endure my presence was a punishment.”

Mm. She rather knew how that felt. But for an 8 year old boy, grieving the loss of his mother while being thrust into a new, hostile culture?

“Poe...I’m so sorry. That sounds like a very unpleasant childhood.”

He grinned but dipped his head in acknowledgement of her sympathy. “Oh, it wasn’t that bad. He could be a pompous little ass and had a terrible temper if you knew how to push his buttons, but he wasn’t cruel. And my personality was just as charming back then, so I made lots of other friends when he wasn’t around.” He relaxed back into his chair and drained the rest of his wine.

“And his parents were a decent sort. The Queen was determined to improve Drakan-human relations, despite the natural dislike the Draka have for any species they consider beneath them...which is basically everyone,” he explained with an eye roll. “She always treated my father with respect, and was kind to me whenever I encountered her. And if the Consort felt any particular way about humans, he didn’t let on. I rarely saw him, but when I did he was always civil-in a roguish sort of way.”

He stood and went to the sideboard to refill his wine, bringing her a glass as well. She gratefully accepted.

“But Kylo made it very clear he hated my human guts,” he said, taking his seat once more.

She took a sip of her wine-she’d never really cared for it before, but had discovered that with a dragon prince’s money came _much_ tastier alcohol. “If his parents were so open minded, why was he still prejudiced towards you?”

Poe chuckled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.. “Ah...yeah. About that. Having recently lost my mother, I might have subconsciously sought out the attention and affection of the Queen. I was an incurable flirt, and enjoyed the challenge of breaking through that steely Drakan exterior.”

Rey put her hand on her chest in mock surprise. “You? An incurable flirt?”

A confident, roguish grin lit up his handsome face. “Believe it, love. I have oozed charm since the day I was born.”

The grin slid off his face as he continued. “Anyway, I told a joke one day in her presence, within the first few months of being there. Some dumb joke I can’t even remember now, but the Queen laughed at it. Really laughed. I was pretty damn pleased with myself. And then I looked over at B- at Kylo to see if he was laughing too. But he wasn’t. He was glaring at me, shaking with more rage than an 8 year old should have.”

His gaze strayed to the floor, seemingly lost in the past. “It wasn’t until much later that I figured it out. He didn’t hate me for being human, at least not then. He hated me for making her laugh.”

He looked up at her then, an old sadness tightening his dark eyes.

“You have to understand-the Queen and the Consort were good, decent rulers, but…” and here he seemed to choose his words carefully, “I don’t know that they were able to give Kylo the attention he needed. His mother had a realm to rule, and his father wasn’t around much. Han hated the formality of court life, and the careful dance of politics. He was more than happy to leave that to the Queen. He spent a lot of time in his dragon form; he loved flying.”

“My father was busy too, but he was loving and affectionate. With my mother gone, we were all each other had. I always knew I was his first priority.” He paused again. “I don’t think that Kylo ever knew the same. Even though I know his parents loved him, I think he still felt…” Poe trailed off.

A sharp pang of sympathy sliced through her. 

“Unwanted,” she finished in a choked whisper.

He nodded solemnly. “Other than when we were forced to be together, he was alone. Always alone. The Draka don’t have many children so there weren’t many other kids his age other than me. He’d have minders with him but they rarely interacted with him, just stood quietly in the background making sure he stayed out of trouble. And we had tutors-one of whom was his uncle- but they were trying to train a future king, not be a friend to a lonely boy.”

Her heart broke a tiny bit, imaging a lonely dark haired little boy with forest brown eyes. A defensive side of her wanted to scoff, because at least he’d _had_ parents, and a significantly easier childhood than she had had. But she could easily guess that even a full belly and a soft bed in a palace couldn’t erase the deep heartache of not getting the affection he needed.

She vividly remembered her own childhood, the cold nights when she’d curl into a ball and shiver through night, skinny arms wrapped around protruding ribs. Back then she still believed that her parents would return to her. She’d imagine snuggling into a warm embrace, that would pull her in tight and not let her go until the sun returned to share its heat once more.

“He tried to put up a cold front, and gods, he really succeeded sometimes. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to punch his royal lights out. He was an insufferable little bastard most of the time.” 

Rey could imagine.

“But I would watch him sometimes, try to figure him out, why he seemed so unhappy. When his parents were around...he’d have this look in his eye, when he thought no one was looking. He would stare at them, like..like a hungry dog, waiting for scraps to fall off the table.”

Rey bit her lip, tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. Damn it all-she'd forgotten that feeling. She couldn't remember distinct memories, but she remembered feeling so hungry-for food, for attention, for _any_ of shred affection. She wanted to wrap that boy up her arms and tell him it wasn't his fault.

Maybe the man needed to hear it too.

“It helped me see through the frosty wall he always had around him. Inside, I think he was really hurting, and no one looked close enough to see it. And then he transitioned for the first time, and a bad situation became worse.”

“What do you mean?”

“Most Draka take their dragon form for the first time sometime during puberty. I didn’t see it happen, but the whispers began immediately. They were afraid that he would be like his grandfather.”

He must have seen the confusion on her face. “Have you not heard of King Vader?”

Rey shrugged. “I grew up in the desert. The only time I heard anything about the Draka were wild tales on my trips to Niima Outpost.”

“Well Vader was a bit of a tyrant. He abolished the Drakan parliament and ruled as a dictator. He killed any who questioned him or got in his way.” Poe grimaced. “It’s even rumored he was behind the death of his wife, Queen Padme.”

"Bloody hell," Rey murmured.

Poe nodded in agreement. “He had particularly nasty plans for humans-it was his idea to use human prisoners to work the mines on Eadu, and they were treated a lot worse under his rule than they are now under Leia’s. Vader would have enslaved us all if he could.”

"What happened to him?" she asked.

"When his madness reached a peak and the Drakans were on the brink of civil war, his firstborn son and heir, Kylo's Uncle Luke, challenged him to a duel. The fight lasted for days, and it's said they're duel leveled a quarter of the realm. After five days and nights Luke returned, and Vader didn't. He never revealed what really happened. But Luke refused to rule-he abdicated the throne and it went to Leia."

For the first time she wondered if maybe having no parents was better than tyrannical grandfathers, emotionally unavailable queens and fathers who preferred flying to raising their sons. 

But only _slightly_ better. “What does that have to do with Kylo?”

“Apparently, their dragon forms were very similar, almost identical. Because he was already moody and prone to outbursts, people were easily convinced that he could be like his grandfather in other, less savory aspects.”

A tiny curl of indignation flared inside her. It wasn’t like the similarity was his fault, was it? “What about his parents? Didn’t they defend him?”

She knew the answer just looking at Poe’s face, and the curl turned into a burn.

“The Queen wouldn’t allow any overt comments,” he insisted quickly, “but the strain in his relationship with them became obviously worse. His Uncle Luke was our tutor at the time, and he left the capitol as soon as he saw Kylo’s dragon. I think seeing it brought back the horrible memories.”

“My father’s term as ambassador ended soon after that, and I didn’t see him for many years. But he kept tabs on the Drakan realm, and told me things. Kylo became very close with his next tutor, and when he was about 20 he disappeared from the capitol with Snoke.” He hesitated. “Whatever he’s been up to, Rey...I don’t think it’s been good."

She fell quiet, sorting through the tumultuous emotions that had surfaced while listening to Poe's story. She still carried hurt and anger at the way Kylo had treated her. But she felt parts of her shifting and reshaping, softening in the knowledge of their shared, bitter kinship. 

For so long she had wondered what was wrong with her, why her parents couldn’t love her enough to stay. Had she cried too much? Was she not a pretty enough child? Had they wanted a boy? What had she done to drive them away?

Distance and maturity had lessened the frequency of those questions over the years. She was able to remember a few fragmented memories from before they left-her parents stumbling home from Niima Outpost, their bellies full from the drink they had bought with the money meant for food. Which implied that she had been left alone for hours in their squat little hovel, built from scavenged parts that weren’t worth selling, while her parents drank away the days earnings.

They were drunks. Rational thought reassured her that this was not her fault. But still the doubt snuck in, all these years later, that maybe if she’d been better, they would have had the motivation to stay sober and be decent parents.

Perhaps Kylo had wondered something similar-why couldn’t his parents spend more time with him? Why did he always come last on their list of priorities? What could he have done differently to make himself more loveable? 

She’d been abandoned; he’d been neglected. It had left her with broken, battered edges, shoved down and covered up by positivity and determination-what had it done to him? Had it turned him into a walled fortress of a man that kept everyone at a distance, even the woman his deity believed was perfect for him?

She thought back to what Rose had said earlier, that she deserved to be happy and loved. She knew she was smart, capable, and strong, with enough stubbornness and optimism to stand on her own two feet. She didn’t need anyone; she’d more than proved that in her 20 years of life. She could be happy alone, and the love of friends and BB was enough.

But for a brief moment she imagined a different scenario-one full of large hands intertwined with hers and warm arms wrapped around her on cold nights.

She didn’t need that second future. But maybe she was allowed to want it. And that was...refreshingly _freeing_.

She had one more thing she needed to know, if he’d answer.

“Poe?”

“Yeah?” he replied softly. Maybe he already knew what she was going to ask.

“If he’s always been so terrible to you, why are you helping him with this? With me?”

"Because I'm a sappy romantic, of course." He smiled faintly, but the sadness still lingered. “I’ve never known Kylo to ask anyone for help, but he came to me. I’ve tried to be a friend to him in the small ways I can.”

Her heart clenched a little bit. “You have been a good friend to him, Poe. To us both. I hope you know that.”

Poe smiled. “Thanks. When I wasn't wanting to beat the tar out of him, I always hoped he would find some kind of happiness or peace in his life. When I learned he had a human soul mate, I knew she had to be an extremely special woman.”

“Or just as deeply emotionally damaged as he is,” she countered sardonically.

Poe frowned, and moved from his chair to join her on the couch. He reached out to grip one of her hands in his warm grasp.

“I don’t believe that’s true, Rey. You’ve been handed so many bad deals by life, but it hasn’t crushed you. You haven't let it steal your kindness, or your optimism, or your compassion. You have so much inner strength. He _absolutely_ does not deserve you, but you’re exactly what he needs.”

She raised an eyebrow critically. “And you think he is what I need?”

Poe smirked and shook his finger. “Nuh uh. I'm not dumb or drunk enough to answer that. Only you can decide what you need."

"That being said," he continued, one index finger raised in the air, "I know being Kylo’s soul mate comes with a lot of risk, and he isn’t the easiest person to love. But I think, I really do, that he possesses a deep capacity to love and devote himself to someone. If you _did_ decide to give him a chance-and he's smart enough to not blow his chance with you-I don’t think there’s anything in the world he wouldn’t do to make you happy.”

* * *

In the middle of the night Kylo’s eyes flew open. He didn't know what had woken him. He was lying in bed on his side, arms wrapped around his middle-his room was eerily devoid of sound, lacking the ever present patter of rain and low rumble of thunder.

A soft inhale broke the silence.

_Oh._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I'm back. 
> 
> The last three months have been a pretty standard tale of a) dark mental periods where I couldn't write, followed by b) better mental periods where I wanted to write but couldn't, because a problem in my work life demanded my constant attention. Things are now settling down, and I'm still really excited to keep exploring this story.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who kept reading, liking, and commenting, and generally just stuck around. You are my literal heroes.
> 
> Oh! I also have a twitter fan account for this ao3 handle, @ReyloStormborn. Let's be friends.


	10. Her Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the middle of the night Kylo’s eyes flew open. He tensed, wondering what had woken him. He was lying in bed on his side, arms wrapped around his middle. He quickly scanned what he could see of his room, which was deeply shadowed except where the pale blue light of Eadu’s stormy skies shone through from his balcony. 
> 
> He saw nothing out of the ordinary, then realized why something was off-his room was eerily devoid of sound, lacking the ever present patter of rain and low rumble of thunder.
> 
> A soft inhale broke the silence.
> 
> Oh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Here's where we start to earn that M rating, folks.
> 
> It's right about now that I also deeply, profoundly regret drinking alcohol and finally giving the link to this fic to my IRL friends. If they are reading this right now-I warned you, dammit. I warned you.
> 
> Please forgive any typos I might have missed-its 1:30 am and I am le tired.

In the middle of the night Kylo’s eyes flew open. He tensed, wondering what had woken him. He was lying in bed on his side, arms wrapped around his middle. He quickly scanned what he could see of his room, which was deeply shadowed except where the pale blue light of Eadu’s stormy skies shone through from his balcony. 

He saw nothing out of the ordinary, then realized why something was off-his room was eerily devoid of sound, lacking the ever present patter of rain and low rumble of thunder.

A soft inhale broke the silence.

_Oh._

He turned his head silently, holding his breath; hoping he wasn’t wrong.

_Thank the Goddess._

Rey was asleep beside him.

He carefully rolled over and propped himself on his left arm. His eyes hungrily drank in her features, which were peaceful and unguarded in repose. She lay on her side facing him, one hand tucked under her head. He’d never seen her hair unbound before; it was always tightly pulled back. Seeing it down, soft and slightly waved from those peculiar little buns, made him feel privy to a sacred secret.

Looking at her, human and lovely and achingly fragile, he felt as vulnerable and exposed as a man flayed.

He’d never returned to see Snoke-an incredibly stupid and reckless move on his part. But he couldn’t focus on battle plans and weapons of mass destruction, not when his brain constantly replayed the sight of seeing her on the ground, her neck being crushed in the grip of a massive brute.

It had_ shattered_ his sanity. He didn’t even remember killing the thugs; just remembered coming down from his blood lust with her warm body within his arms, breathing in her scent and the reassurance that he hadn’t lost her.

When had she become something he couldn’t bear to lose?

It frightened him how attached he was to her, despite how little they knew each, despite their bond not being even partially completed, and despite how fiercely he had resisted it. When he’d felt her in danger he had abandoned caution and lost all reason entirely; had pushed himself nearly beyond the physical limits of his dragon form to reach his portal, and tracked her scent through Hanna City with inexplicable speed.

Even going faster than he thought was possible, it still didn’t make sense that he had gotten to her in time, unless he hadn’t sensed what  _ was _ happening, but what was  _ going _ to happen. And that was nothing the Draka had ever seen in soul mate bonds before.

He had spent hours that morning in meditation trying to rebuild his walls, trying to put her back in the dark, forbidden box where she belonged. It was an exercise he had practiced almost daily for months.

It no longer worked.

It felt like he was being torn apart. On the one side was Snoke, and the years of his life he’d devoted to becoming a Dark Mage and conqueror of worlds-and the terrible things that he had done along the way. The weight of his grandfather's legacy-and Snoke’s expectations-were a burden he had long ago grown accustomed to. It was his  _ destiny _ . 

But now...now it hung like a stone around his neck, dragging him to the bottom of a fathomless ocean.

On the other side, quite literally  _ at  _ his side now, was the soulmate the Goddess had chosen for him-the soulmate he never expected to have.

Soulmates were common among his people, but not guaranteed. As a young man he had once looked with bitter, twisting envy on the mated couples amongst the Drakan court-they were so consumed with each other, the magnetic pull between them an almost visible, shimmering thing. He had yearned for it; if he had a soulmate he would never be alone again.

It was Snoke who had shown him the danger of such an idea, that attachments were a chain that held you back from your full potential. Having a soulmate made you weak; love clouded your mind and obstructed your focus. A Dark Mage should only have undivided loyalty to the pursuit of power. 

_ Put these desires from your mind. You are meant for greater things, my boy. _

He had believed Snoke, and trusted in his wisdom. Now...now he wondered if Snoke had led him astray.

Forget _greater things_...she was meant to be  _ everything _ . If he was drowning, she was the promise of air. If he was cold, she was supposed to be the blazing warmth of the sun. If he was starving, she was a never ending feast.

He was all those things.

And it was more than merely what he got out of it- he hadn’t realized how fulfilling it would be to take care of  _ her _ . He had never had anyone to defend or protect, to provide for and comfort, but when she needed help-when she needed  _ him _ -it had filled him with the purest sense of purpose.

It had even felt surprisingly satisfying when he'd helped her find that vexing little demon she called a pet. 

And when had he stopped caring that she was human? It meant missing a step of the soulmate bond-the _consummation while in dragon form_ step, specifically. But anymore, in light of the deep connection they already seemed to share, the technical requirements seemed less and less consequential. 

Even having someone to share half his life with-half his _soul_ with-suddenly seemed better than the future of endless conquest and bloodshed that currently awaited him.

He recognized it now-how futile it was to try and deny how appealing a future with her looked. And here he thought he had trained and meditated and had tortured out of him the desire for anything other than power. 

Then why did he feel the pathetic desire to lay his head on her chest and weep?

Probably because he knew in his heart that she could never truly be his. That she would never truly want to be his. 

There were too many things standing in their way, the largest of which was Snoke. He had no doubt that Snoke would kill her if he learned of her existence and the threat she held towards his plans. Or worse, he would make Kylo kill her to prove his loyalty to their cause.

His dragon growled in his mind with barely-leashed violence. _Rip out his throat if he tries, crush him, burn him, DESTROY HIM._

Unable to resist her nearness any longer, he raised his hand to gently sweep the hair that fell across her forehead. Her eyes fluttered with coming awareness and he jerked his hand back.

She blinked and stared at him sleepily for a moment. “You’re not really here.”

He slowly shook his head; waited for her to pull away, for the inevitable wariness to tighten her features.

“Am I dreaming?”

A soft “no” was on his tongue but something stopped him. In the calm, dark night none of this felt real; the way the light coming in from the balcony doors illuminated her skin so it glowed like sapphires; how he was close enough to smell her lemon scented soap. How she technically wasn’t even there, but in her own bed in an entirely different world. The world outside his bed might not have been real either. 

Perhaps it _wasn’t_ real; perhaps in this sleepy, silent dreamworld he didn’t have to be...himself. Just for tonight.

“What would you do? If this was a dream?” he murmured, half hopeful, but for what exactly, he couldn’t put into words. For her to be brave when he was not?

She didn’t say anything for a while, just searched his eyes in the darkness. Finally, she drew in a steadying breath. Her left hand slowly reached out, and Kylo’s eyes slid shut as he felt her fingers gently brush the hair off of his forehead. Even across the unchartable distance between them, her touch felt so real, and he marveled at the power that could unite them like this.

He held perfectly still as her fingertips, slightly calloused from years of hard labor, trailed down his cheek. When her thumb tentatively rubbed across his lower lip he couldn’t help but press a soft kiss to it.

He couldn’t remember...it had been _so long_ since someone had touched him with gentleness, or affection. It was a need that had been ignored and forced into dormancy for so long, but now with a few innocent caresses was waking up.

Now it felt like he was starving.

He opened his eyes. He couldn’t hide the desire in them; he was drowning in it, the hot need filling his lungs, the void of his heart. But she had to make the first move. 

Seconds passed like small eternities as he waited, frozen, for her to inflame or soothe his agony. He watched as she worried her bottom lip between her teeth. She stared at him like she was trying to peer into his soul, stare into the tortured depths of him and take his measure. Whatever it was she saw, it didn’t seem to scare her away. And he dared, for the first time in an unimaginably long time, to hope.

“I deserve to be happy,” she finally whispered-so softly that maybe he wasn’t meant to hear it.

And then she pulled his face to hers, and kissed him.

Resisting her had taken every ounce of strength he had. Giving in was ridiculously easy.

He must have been holding his breath, because it all rushed out in exquisite surrender the moment her lips crashed into his. His arms automatically wrapped around her, drawing her against his chest.

They drew away slightly after a moment, panting hard, but only a few labored breaths passed before she captured his mouth again, or maybe he captured hers, it didn’t matter, because _she was kissing him_, their lips moving together in a slow, molten dance.

They might have kissed for minutes, or hours; his mind was blank, his entire world narrowed down to the sensation of her lips against his and the feel of her under his hands. 

After a little while he lightly, experimentally ran his tongue along her bottom lip and she opened for him without hesitation. He groaned as he swept his tongue into her mouth; after only a moment hers brushed against it, and then they were tangled together, tasting and licking in an instinctive, intimate rhythm.

He couldn’t decide what he wanted more-to frantically lose himself in the taste and feel of her, or to slow things down to a crawl and savor every second of this surreal moment that the Goddess had given them. Regardless, he just needed _more_.

His hand drifted up her back and across her ribcage until his thumb traced the curve under her breast.

“Is this alright?”, he whispered, pressing a trail of slow, hot kisses along her jaw.

“Yes” she exhaled, arching her back and tilting her neck to allow him better access. His thumb traced increasingly higher circles until he could feel her raised, pebbled nipple through her nightgown.

Her hands started roaming as well; her touch leaving a trail of goosebumps as she skimmed her hands up his biceps and along his shoulders. He thought he heard her let out a happy little sigh as she ran her fingers up the back of his neck and into his hair. 

Her hands on his bare skin had to be the keenest pleasure he had ever felt. Nothing compared. 

Nothing except touching her in return.

Each kiss and sigh and touch was a discovery, but, owing to the bond dreams most liekely, there was still a peculiar sense of _deja vu_. When he gently nipped at a spot right behind her ear, the noise she made in the back of her throat sounded exactly like he knew it would, even as he heard it for the first time. 

He was kissing down her neck, his tongue learning the addicting taste of her skin in lazy swipes, when she flinched. 

He jerked back in horror. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, we can stop, I’m sorry…” the words poured out of his mouth, running and tumbling over each other.

“No, no it’s okay, it’s just...it’s tender. From...from the guy, yesterday...” she mumbled, swallowing audibly, and gestured to her neck.

Hot, ferocious rage surged through his veins at the reminder, but it was with exquisite care that he turned her jaw to the side to look; despite the darkness, his Drakan eyes could just make out a dark, ugly ring of bruises around her neck.

The dragon roared to life in his brain, its protective instinct flooding him with murderous fury. He felt it crawling under his skin, hungry to be unleashed so it could avenge her with teeth and claws and fire.

Instead, he fisted the pillow next to her until his hand ached from the pressure and the violence in his blood cooled. He slowly came back to awareness to the feel of her fingernails tracing soothing patterns on the back of his neck.

A part of his brain argued that this had to be a dream. She had never given the slightest indication that she wanted this-had look vastly relieved when he said their bond would never be consummated. And he’d certainly done nothing to earn her regard or affection. Yet here she was, comforting _him_, when she had been the one to be violently attacked.

He should stop. He didn’t deserve to touch her; didn’t deserve to learn that her skin tasted like sunshine and lemons, or that her breasts fit perfectly in the palm of his hand and touching them made her arch her back and moan. 

She was a goddess made flesh, brave and lovely and far, far too good for a monster like him.

He gulped in a breath, resting his forehead against her collarbone.

“Tell me stop,” he whispered hoarsely into the valley between her breasts.

There was silence for a few seconds. “Do...do you want to stop?” she asked hesitantly.

He heard the insecurity that tinged her question and turned his head slightly to press a soft, chaste kiss through her nightgown to her right breast.

“Rey…” He couldn’t blame her doubts, not when he had met her with cold disdain at every turn. He’d been fighting this for so long, how could he expect her to believe his desire was sincere? That it would be agony to stop? But he would stop, if that’s what she wanted. Goddess help him, he would.

He raised his head to look at her, hoping that despite the darkness she could see both the raw desire and the shame that he knew was evident on his face. “The things I’ve done...the way I’ve treated you. You shouldn’t let me touch you.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t,” she murmured, and his heart sank even as he braced himself to move away from her. But she kept going.

“But...maybe...right now...I don’t care.” She said it slowly, like it surprised her. “I don’t want to think about what I should and shouldn’t do, or if this is a bad idea. Maybe...I just want to let myself have what I want.” 

She bit her lip, and he almost groaned, because no bottom lip should be allowed to be as enticing as hers was. “I’m not ready to...um…_consummate_ anything,” she said with a slight strain in her voice, “but I’ve liked everything we’ve done so far. _Really_ liked it,” she admitted quietly.

Her face briefly flickered with emotions he couldn’t identify, but after a moment she nodded firmly. “I don’t want to stop.”

“Are you sure, Rey? Are you absolutely sure?” He was too far gone in his need to care that his voice broke with desperation. He wasn’t asking for forever, and they could both pretend it never happened in the sobering light of day, if that’s what she wanted. But if this was the only night he ever got with his soulmate...he couldn’t bear it if she regretted it later.

She rolled her eyes, but propped herself up on one elbow and gently tugged on the back of his neck until her lips barely brushed his.

“Don’t. Stop.” 

Relief washed over him, and he kissed her with a tenderness he hadn’t known he was capable of.

Her hands started to roam once more over his shoulders and down his back, her fingernails lightly scoring his skin at times, and he couldn’t hold back a shudder. Resting his forehead against hers, he focused for a moment on the simple feel of her hands on his skin.

Her touch ignited something intensely primal within him. He was suddenly possessed with an instinctive and overwhelming urge to take care of his mate.

“I want to make you feel good,” he whispered fiercely, between open mouthed kisses to her collarbone. She was wearing a simple white nightgown with thin, delicate straps. He slowly slipped each one over her shoulders, giving her time to object if she needed to.

“You’re succeeding” she responded breathily, helping him tug down her nightgown and letting out a choked gasp as his lips promptly wrapped around a nipple.

Her hand fumbled, searching for his, and finally she grasped his wrist. In a movement that made his blood _sing_, she brought his hand to her side, pushing it up under her nightgown. His mouth paused its exploration of her breasts to savor the feel of silky, firm thigh under his fingertips.

He raised his head then, kept his eyes on her face as his right hand trailed up her thigh, studying her reaction to his touch. Her face shone pale and lovely in the scant light that came in from the balcony, and her eyes stared back into his, desire deepening their color to tempting, ebony oblivion.

Her breath hitched when his thumb brushed the curls at the juncture of her thighs. Her hips rolled instinctively, seeking _more_, and he groaned, dropping his head in the crook of her neck. 

He was distractingly, painfully hard-had been for some time now. But as much as his drakan blood cried out for him to sink into her and begin to complete their mating bond, he was relieved that she had already drawn that line.

Sex wouldn’t just be sex, for them. It would be a deeply consequential act, one that would begin to bind their souls together. And knowing that he still saw no future where they could happily and safely exist together...no, that-and his own pleasure-would have to wait. 

He was far more interested in seeing to hers anyways.

His thumb brushed the crease of her inner thigh in a slow, teasing rhythm. “Show me,” he murmured against her lips. “Show me what you want.” 

She hesitated for a second, but then her hand slid down, and she pulled his hand between her legs and pressed it against her hot center.

“Touch me?” she asked tentatively, almost politely, as though it wasn’t something he was _literally_ prepared to beg for.

He gave her a quick, reassuring kiss, wondering if he would ever tire of the thrill of her lips against his. “Gladly.”

She let him gently trace and learn the softness of her folds for a few minutes, and he could have happily died after just that experience. But then she place her hand over his, and showed him how to touch her until she moaned and writhed beneath him.

He wanted to look everywhere at once- the fascinating rise and fall of her breasts as her breathing became more labored, the dips and swells of her waist and hips, her slick core where his hand stroked her in a slow rhythm. 

But his gaze kept being drawn back to the fascinating expressions of her face-her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, the frustrated crinkle in her nose that he inexplicably wanted to kiss; the pleasure that showed in her hooded eyelids and the slackness of her mouth.

She the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Her hips rolled against his hand, punctuated by a tiny whine. He sped up the circles his thumb was tracing around the tight little bundle of nerves she had directed him to, increasing the pressure, hoping it was what she wanted. She was the first woman he had ever touched like this, and he had no idea what he was doing. His nightly dreams of pleasuring her felt dim and distant, and incomparable when he had the real woman in his arms. What he lacked in skill he prayed he made up for with sheer enthusiasm.

He dipped his head and took a nipple into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue and little nips with his teeth until her hand tightly gripped his hair with a pleasurable sting.

She suddenly gripped his face and pulled him up for a desperate, sloppy kiss. Their tongues tangled and writhed, and it was messy and uncoordinated and the most thrilling thing he had ever experienced, because _he_ had caused this; turned her into this wrecked, needy thing. 

And then she was shattering; gasping into his mouth and digging her fingernails into his shoulders and _gods_ if it wasn’t the proudest he had ever felt in his entire miserable life.

He waited a few seconds for her to come back down and then kissed her softly. She gave him a tired, sated smile, one hand lightly cradling his cheek, and he couldn’t help the quiet, joyful laugh that escaped.

Then she murmured a word that froze them both in place. 

“Ben.”

It was like a bolt of lightning through his veins, and then something _clicked,_ and settled into place, like an out of joint bone being put back in its socket. He _hated_ that name, had abandoned it long ago, but It felt right and good and almost holy to hear it on her lips.

He didn’t mind being _her_ Ben. He did make a mental note to kill Poe later-he was the only one who could have told her.

But Rey gave a quiet gasp, and a slow look of horror replaced the contented look on her face. Her mouth worked a few times, but no sound came out.

And then she was gone. The sound of rain and thunder rushed back into the room and he was left confused and alone in a bed that had never felt more empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I waffled back and forth for weeks trying to decide how far Ben and Rey go in this chapter and wondering if this was all too soon. I wrote the first draft of this scene months ago, not sure where it would fit in. But after the last chapter, where Rey learns about Ben's past and Ben is reeling from her brush with the slavers, I felt they were both (temporarily) in a more vulnerable, unguarded place. Combine that with a sleepy, dreamlike, middle-of-the-night force bond and I figured that they're a little less inhibited and physical intimacy might not be that out of character.
> 
> And ultimately, I was tired of denying these two touch-starved loners the affection and pleasure they both needed. 
> 
> But if you think that the physical intimacy of this scene was premature-I see you. I get it. There is still a LOT of relationship building that is going to happen before it goes further than this.
> 
> My eternal love and gratitude to everyone who reads, comments, and leaves kudos! <3


	11. Sand and Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She’d called him Ben. 
> 
> Who the hell was Ben??

Cold shock doused the pleasure that had coursed pleasantly through her system.

It was like someone had dumped a freezing cold bucket of water on her while she slept, and she would know-Plutt had taken sick pleasure in waking her up that way if she dared sleep a minute past dawn.

She couldn’t _ believe _ what she had just done. She stayed frozen after the bond closed, blinking dumbly and barely breathing. Mortified. Because she...she had...

She’d called him Ben. _ _

_ Who the hell was Ben?? _

She wanted to claw and grasp for the word, that  _ name _ , pluck it out of the air and crush it into dust before it  _ ruined everything _ . She didn’t even know anyone named Ben!

But…it had felt so _ right _ ? Her brain, her entire universe, had been a warm, glorious, pleasure soaked fog, and it had slipped off her tongue with the unthinking ease of breathing. Like an unconscious reflex, or muscle memory. Like it belonged.

_ Ben. _

But his name was Kylo. And he probably hated her now.

That thought wouldn’t have bothered her much two months ago-he seemed to hate her half the time anyways-but now...now it was positively crushing. Because before she had opened her stupid, stupid mouth, things had been going bloody  _ fantastic _ . 

She had gone to bed that night still reeling from the things Poe had told her about Kylo’s past, still trying to process what had changed about their situation and her expectations regarding it.

Only a few days ago she had been preparing to strike out on her own and leave this,  _ him _ , all behind. Her stomach clenched thinking about where she would be right now if she had; probably sitting cold and hungry beside a small fire with BB, somewhere on the long road to Canto Bight.

Alone. Just like old times.

It was still an option, of course. She was still entitled to leave, certainly. 

But she was remembering the emptiness of the first sixteen years of her life-her eternally empty stomach, her empty arms that she could only wrap around herself. Her empty heart, that ached for even one person to give her a kind word or touch of affection. 

Then the four hard years working for Plutt-being around animals she loved, but overworked and underpaid, clinging to her mantra of  _ it was enough, it was enough _ .

Did she really want to go back to that? 

And if she did, what kind of future would she be consigning Kylo to? It was hard to reconcile the man she knew with the image of the lonely, affection-starved little boy that Poe had described, but she didn’t doubt Poe’s story. It was...surprising and terrifyingly intimate knowing that he might carry the same wounds she did, that they might be bound in that way as well. Those wounds, she knew personally, one could bury but rarely heal. 

As she’d been waiting for sleep to claim her, watching the shadows of the tree branches outside her window dance across her ceiling, she had been aware of a deep sense of sadness for her complicated soulmate. Her few encounters with him had left her feeling by turns frustrated, intrigued, frightened, enraged, grateful, and reluctantly captivated, but now…

She just wanted to give the aggravating bastard a hug.

Waking up from a deep sleep to find him in her bed, ethereally lit by the moonlight, hadn’t been as startling as she might have expected. His face had been soft and open but for a slight hint of wariness that broke her heart. On the contrary; she had felt...safe. Comfortable in his presence.

So comfortable, apparently, that she’d skipped the hug and gone straight to kissing. 

It hadn’t been her first kiss. A leering, foul and very intoxicated Teedo had taken the liberty when she was 15-right before she took considerable liberties with his face. He hadn’t been able to open his left eye for three days, and he’d never tried to kiss her again.

_ This _ kiss had been her first that she’d given. She’d kind of lunged at him, actually; it had been all smashed lips and awkward teeth at first, and that was before tongues had gotten involved. Not that he’d seemed to mind. 

Instead, he had shown her an entirely different side of himself-not the cold, cruel Prince, and not the intense, possessive rescuer. He’d been… rather lovely, actually. Almost like the version in her dreams. Not as confident or familiar with her body, but generous and tender and very anxious to please.

And he had. Pleased, that is. He had  _ really, really pleased. _

She closed her eyes, anxious to permanently imprint the experience in her mind. His hair had been cool, midnight silk between her fingers, even softer than she’d thought it would be, and she’d admittedly thought about it quite a bit. His skin had been like heated velvet, stretched over hard, endless muscle.  Her fingers had mapped his absurdly broad shoulders and back, where-she recalled with a wince-she was quite sure she had latched on with her fingernails quite, er...vigorously.

Again, he had noticeably not minded.

After a mostly thorough exploration, she could conclude that he was built like a mountain and absurdly magnificent-not that she would ever, ever admit it to his face.  But most arresting of all were his eyes-haunted, dark pools, filled with a desperate sort of yearning-and at the end...flickering with a tiny glimmer of hope. They were the most honest thing she’d ever seen.

Lying underneath him, caged in by his massive size, hadn’t been intimidating; it was the most powerful she had ever felt. He was a deadly, volatile dragon shifter-a future king, not to mention a complete _ arsehole _ most of the time-but tonight he had been trembling and hungry for  _ her _ .

There was... _ a lot _ ...to be said for that feeling. It was  _ awesome _ .

Her fingers reached up to lightly brush her neck, recalling the feeling of his warm breath on her skin between kisses. Of its own accord her hand lazily trailed over her collarbone, down between her breast, circling each one lightly, lightly thumbing her nipples, touching everywhere his hands and mouth had been.  Her hand slipped between her legs, where the slick evidence of her arousal still remained, pleasure wrung from her by large, surprisingly nimble fingers.

She waited for the sharp tang of shame or regret to creep in and foul the memory, but it never materialized, and she was glad for it. There was certainly embarrassment-honestly, could she have been more shameless? Pulling up her nightgown, guiding his fingers to where she desperately needed them, sticking her tongue in his mouth with enthusiastic abandon… She didn’t know who  _ that _ Rey was, but she was glad to know she existed. Alongside the embarrassment was mixed a shy sort of pride that she’d let herself pursue pleasure, had taken it for herself. That was something she could never regret. 

_ I deserve to be happy _ .

Really, the only regret she had was that the bond had broken off before she could learn how to pleasure him in return. To see what his face looked like when he...

A shiver skittered down her spine at the images her mind was conjuring. 

As sleep eventually crept in to claim her, anticipation warred with anxiety at the thought of their next meeting. She certainly hoped it was soon-so she could apologize, namely, with profuse and explicit contrition for her horribly insulting slip of the tongue. Maker, she really had no idea how she was going to explain that one.

She was also anxious to see what, if anything, this intimate encounter had forged between them. She knew now that there was more beneath the surface than the cold, uncaring mask he usually wore. She wanted to see more of the open, vulnerable man who felt less like an antagonistic stranger and more like…

In a dark corner of her mind, the cold little ember flared.  _ More like a real soulmate. _

Would they consign this night to the realm of things best left ignored?

Or would it happen again?

* * *

After two weeks the butterflies of anticipation had become a permanent block of anxiety in her stomach. The bond wasn’t predictable, but it didn’t normally go this long without connecting them. 

Had he found a way to resist it? Or break it all together? 

Was he  _ that _ upset about the unfortunate Ben business? He knew where she lived now-if he was that angry he could have pounded on her door the very next morning and demanded to know who this “Ben” was-not that she had an answer, but that’s what a jealous dragon soulmate  _ should _ do, right?

Her fist slammed into the round of dough with particular ferocity. She was helping Rose make biscuits for that night's dinner, a mindless activity she usually found calming. Usually.

It didn’t make sense-not that anything about this situation or that man did-but the not knowing was eating away at her. They’d shared this  kind of huge moment, but now she wondered if it had been a bigger deal in her mind than in his. He had certainly seemed to enjoy himself, but maybe she was remembering it wrong. Maybe he’d been with loads of other women and so their experience hadn’t been all that memorable to him.

She flipped the dough over and aggressively drove the heel of her hand into it. 

Or...maybe he was upset that she hadn’t... _ returned the favor,  _ so to speak. She hadn’t meant to be selfish; she’d certainly  _ wanted _ to touch him  _ like that _ , could still remember the hard press of his...his...  _ manhood _ ... against her thigh, but she hadn’t had much of a chance- if only they’d had  _ more time _ ...but then she still would have ruined it with the unfortunate  _ Ben _ business, wouldn't she? And-

Rose’s voice broke through her aggravated musings.

“Want to talk about it?”

She looked up, realizing with some shame that Rose had been speaking and she had been completely ignoring her.

“Sorry, Rose...what was that?”

Rose nodded good naturedly at her hands. “You’re not kneading that dough; you’re beating it into submission. Something wrong?”

“Oh…” she hedged, not sure how to even begin to explain her current thought process. “No, I just...have some things on my mind.”

She felt more than saw Rose side eyeing her with thinly veiled curiosity.

“Tall, dark, and handsome things that sometimes turn into dragons?” she teased.

Rey gave the dough a reprieve for a moment, bracing her elbows on the table and covering her face with her hands. “Is it that obvious?” she groaned into her palms, then coughed. She’d forgotten they were covered in flour. 

_ Just perfect. _

Rose chuckled and shot her a look full of sympathy. “Like I said-want to talk about it?”

She pulled herself upright and tried her best to wipe the flour off her face. No. She would not waste another minute of her time obsessing over something she couldn’t control.

She let out a breath and gave Rose a genuine smile. “I appreciate the thought, but I need to stop dwelling on it. On him,” she admitted with a grimace.

She gave the lump of dough a good  _ thwack _ . Damn if kneading dough wasn’t  _ remarkably _ therapeutic. “But, unrelatedly, if you needed help making bread more often, like every day, I would be glad to assist you. Does your sister like bread? Finn’s family? The whole neighborhood?”

Rose grinned, mischief twinkling in her eyes. “You know, there’s a food pantry on the other side of town that supplies free meals to the street kids. I’m sure they could use  _ a lot _ of bread.”

Giddy inspiration welled up inside of her. An outlet for her emotional frustration that also fed hungry kids with a dragon prince's money? It was perfect.

She pointed a flour-coated finger at Rose. “You beautiful, brilliant angel. Get your shoes...we have a lot of flour to buy.”

* * *

After a month, and dozens of loaves of bread later, she was  _ pissed _ .

That  _ bastard _ . Assuming that she hadn’t imagined or dreamed the whole sordid thing-and she had spent far, far too much time seriously wondering if that was indeed the case-he  _ had _ to be avoiding her on purpose. 

She paced the confines of her bedroom, giving the others a break from her surly mood. She was tired and irritable; lately her sleep had been disrupted by dark and confusing dreams. In the morning all she was left with were fragmented scraps of memory, but in their wake they left an unease and almost despair that sometimes lasted the whole day. She desperately wanted a nap, but knew she’d wake up with a raging headache and lingering dread from a nightmare she’d never remember.

Nightmares weren’t the primary source of her moodiness, however. She’d tried admirably not to think about him and why he might be avoiding her. She kneaded bread dough until the muscles in her arms were useless, delivering bags full of loaves to the very appreciative food kitchens in the city. She’d also finally started puppy training BB, who could now ‘sit’ and ‘speak’ and choose appropriate places to relieve himself, but still generally ignored ‘stay’ and ‘don’t chew on that, you tiny demon of destruction’.

It was no use. Even when she collapsed into bed at night exhausted from a full day, her thoughts inevitably circled back to him, like a comet trapped in orbit around a star. A dense, immature, emotionally unavailable star.

She felt so stupid. She had written and then ripped up and spitefully burned multiple messages, intending to send them through Poe. They’d become increasingly pathetic.

_ Haven’t seen you in a while.  _

_ We should talk. _

_ You can’t avoid me forever, Kylo. _

_ HEY REMEMBER THAT TIME WE SNOGGED IN BED AND YOU TOUCHED MY SECRET LADY PLACE, MAYBE WE COULD ADDRESS THAT _

She never seriously intended to send them, but it made her feel better-specifically the ripping up and spitefully burning bit. If she was really honest with herself-and she wasn’t- she’d admit that the exercise helped distract her from the deeper, darker questions that always haunted the far corners of her mind.

_ What did I do wrong? _

_ Are you ever coming back? _

_ Please don’t leave. _

_ I’ll be better. _

Neither of them could control the bond, but he  _ had _ come to her when her life had been in danger. In her absolute lowest moments, she found herself wondering how certifiably insane it would be to  _ lightly _ risk her life, just to see if the result would repeat itself.

_ Too insane. Far, far too insane, not to mention bloody pathetic, _ she grumbled to herself. One snogging session, immensely enjoyable as it had been, should not be enough to transform her into this obsessed, neurotic, miserably insecure person. It wasn’t like her. And if this is what being a soul mate normally felt like? Count her out. Kylo’s Goddess could find him someone else.

Her heart gave a peculiar, painful little stutter. No...it didn’t quite like that idea.

She shook her head and growled, flopping on her bed in frustration. You know what the real problem was?

She missed him.

She bloody _missed_ the insufferable git. And she wanted to know if _he_ missed _her._

Yes, she wanted to see him so she could apologize, and keep exploring the weird, unlikely dynamics of their soulmate bond. But she also- _ the Maker help her _ -genuinely missed his dumb, beautiful face; missed the fire in her belly that seeing him always ignited, a confusing conflagration of irritation, excitement, and lust. 

And when she wasn’t inundated by her own irritation and ample insecurities, she realized she genuinely wanted to know how he was doing. If he was okay; if he had friends around him who valued and supported him. 

He might deny it, but there had been flashes and glimpses of deep pain that night, in the way he had looked at her, cautious and wary, hesitant to hope for too much ; in the flash of relief right before his eyes slid shut when she had touched him for the first time. She wanted to see that look again-wanted to be the one responsible for it. It was surprisingly healing to recognize one's own pain in another and be able to alleviate some of it, if only for a few moments. 

She took a deep breath and slowly released it, letting the anger slowly bleed out of her system. Maybe she would give Poe a note to pass on-whether he responded or not, at least he’d know she was thinking of him.

Her eyes drifted shut; she was so, so tired. Maybe she’d risk a tiny nap before dinner.

* * *

“Rey!”

She bolted awake with a start, desperately drawing in air with loud, choking gasps. 

Sand...she had been choking on sand. Hadn’t she?

Her vision was blurry; she could just make out the faces of Finn, Jannah, and Rose in the dim light from the candle that Rose held. She tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes but paused when she felt wetness on her checks; had she been crying?

BB leapt on the bed, whining and lapping at her tear stained cheeks.

“What? What’s wrong?” Her voice was raspy and hoarse, and her throat hurt slightly-maybe she was getting sick? Her head was pounding as well, and she felt a stinging in the palms of her hands. Holding them up to her face, she stared dazedly at the bloody crescents her fingernails had left in her skin.

She was still lying fully clothed on her bed, but night had completely fallen outside her window; they must have let her sleep through dinner. She sat up, scooping up BB and and settling him in her lap, but the warmth of his soft, comforting weight didn’t banish the trembling in her limbs.

Rose and Jannah exchanged a worried look, but it was Finn who spoke first.

“You were having a nightmare,” he began, concern etched on his face. 

She looked again at her hands, where she had clenched her fists so hard it had broken the skin. This one must have been a doozy, but as usual, she recalled nothing.

_ Kriff, what god did she have to pray to to sleep for 30 minutes in peace? _

“Rey,” Finn continued tentatively, “who is Ben?”

A sharp, cold terror bloomed in her stomach, filling her bones with ice. “What?”

Rose stepped closer, setting the candle on the bedside table and taking a seat on the edge of the bed next to her. “You were yelling the name Ben. You sounded...” She shook her head, as though the memory was painful. “You sounded terrified, Rey.”

Her mind was still sluggish, straddling the chasm of sleep and awareness. “I don’t remember...” 

_ Ben! _

Fragments of the nightmare slammed into her. Sand, screams, and the shadows of towering stone men. Pain, and fear, and despair. Helpless, hopeless anguish.

Her breath seized in her chest, the images becoming clearer, racing through her mind in a dizzying assault. BB whined, picking up on her distress, and she held him closer and kissed the top of his silky head. She distantly registered more tears leaking out of her eyes, running down her checks and dripping into his soft golden fur.

After a moment her mind cleared and settled, even as her stomach roiled with dread. She wiped away the lingering tears and the worried faces of her friends came into focus. Hot embarrassment made her want to squirm and deny that anything was wrong, because she  _ hated _ pity, and because she really shouldn’t be freaking out like this-it was just a stupid nightmare.

Wasn’t it?

There was only one person who might have answers.

She drew in a shuddering breath, and tried to give them a reassuring smile and hopefully not a grimace. “I’ll tell you everything. But I need to talk to Poe.”

* * *

Finn returned with Poe within the hour. He was sharply dressed for the evening, and for a moment she felt guilty for pulling him away from his obvious plans, but he immediately walked over and knelt before where she sat, wrapped in a blanket on the couch, compassion and worry in his eyes.

She got right to the point.  “Who is Ben?” she asked quietly.

He inhaled sharply, and it was all the confirmation she needed.

His Adam's apple bobbed, the words coming out careful and measured. “Ben was the name given at birth to the son of Queen Leia and King Consort Han. When he reached adulthood he chose a new name.”

“Kylo Ren,” she whispered.

Poe nodded solemnly. “How did you learn that name? He forbad anyone from ever using it again. Snoke even put a dark curse on it so that no Drakan could speak it out loud. The magic doesn’t work on humans, so you and I could say it, but I don’t think even Kylo can do that much. Who told you?”

She swallowed back a hysterical laugh. It wasn’t enough that she was a human soulmate who  _ shouldn’t exist _ , or that they could see and touch each other from  _ completely different universes _ , or that he could sense when her life was in danger. No, his real name that no one could even speak was also just magically flung out of her mouth at completely inappropriate times.

“No one told me-it just came out, during the last bond vision. The vision cut off right after that so he wasn’t able to respond-I was horrified, I had no idea why I’d said it. And then tonight I was having a nightmare, and apparently I was saying it over and over.”

“She was screaming it,” Jannah clarified from her spot next to Rey on the couch. “We could hear her from the backyard-scared the daylights out of us.”

“Sorry,” Rey winced, embarrassment once again turning her face hot. She hated that they’d seen her like that, even though she trusted them implicitly. But she felt raw and vulnerable, her emotional nerves frayed and exposed and she wasn’t accustomed to people being around to witness it.

Jannah’s eyes widened with alarm and she reached to grab Rey’s hand. “No, Rey, I didn’t mean it like that. You have nothing to be sorry for. We all have our demons, and you don’t need to face yours alone.” 

“She’s right,” Poe chimed in, pulling over a chair to sit in front of her. “We’re all here because we want to help, if you’ll let us. Now, can you tell us what the dream was about?”

With her heart feeling a little lighter, she closed her eyes, letting the chaos and the despair of the dream flood back into her mind.

“It was confusing, at first. I was a dragon, but I think I was  _ him _ , and I was seeing through his eyes? He was flying through tall, red mountains...everything was red, actually, hazy and dusty and red. There weren’t any signs of life or civilization, but I think...he was trying to escape something? Or being chased?”

She groaned and dropped her head into her hands, rubbing her throbbing temples. “I’m sorry, I know this isn’t making any sense.” 

Four hands immediately landed on her, squeezing her shoulders or patting her knees, murmuring words of encouragement, and she would have laughed if she didn’t find it so absurdly comforting.

“He... _ we _ ... were flying fast through the mountains for a long time, and then finally a sort of valley appeared. All the rock around it had been carved into a huge city, but it was empty- it looked like it had been abandoned for awhile.”

It was a ruin, but it was obvious it had once been very impressive. There were broad avenues lined with columns and huge statues of hooded figures, towering temples and sprawling palaces, all carved from the red rock of the mountains.

“It still felt...evil.  _ Steeped _ in evil.” She drew in a shuddering breath, the crawling sensation of being watched from the shadows by some unseen malevolence still echoing in her mind. “We landed in the middle of the city and then I was looking out the dragon’s eyes and saw _ me _ , or my body at least, walking towards us.” 

She had been struck with immediate fear, almost overwhelming panic, but it had been hard to distinguish if it was hers, or  _ his _ .

“And then suddenly I was back in my own body and looking back at  _ him _ -a huge black dragon. Kylo’s dragon. Even in my dreams that thing still terrifies me,” she admitted with a grimace.

Poe chuckled. “I’d say you get used to it eventually, but you really don’t. Sorry. What happened next?”

“I looked behind him, and there was a sandstorm coming. Heading right for him, about to swallow him up. The storm was  _ screaming _ ,” she whispered, eyes unfocused. She was all too familiar with sandstorms after 16 years in a desert, but this one hadn’t just been comprised of sand. Within it there had been thin, black spectral shapes, their shrieks and howls a terrifying cacophony of madness and hate.

They had been coming for him. She had known it with awful, bone-chilling clarity. She was sure he had known it too.

When she had turned her eyes away from the storm and back to him, he had been himself again; a solitary, forlorn figure, his long black cloak flapping with the gusts of the approaching storm. She had been screaming his name, begging him to run, to  _ move _ or change back and fly away, to do  _ something _ to try and save himself.

But he wouldn't; he didn’t. He had just stood there, not taking his eyes off of her. Staring at her like she was the only thing he wanted to see before he...they...

A horrible thought took root in her mind. Her gaze sharpened and focused on the man in front of her. “Poe, I think something is really wrong with him.”

She shook her head in frustration at her own stupidity. She suddenly felt sick, remembering how dark and unsettled her sleep had been for weeks. Had it been him this whole time? “I didn’t make the connection until now, but I’ve been having nightmares for awhile, they’ve just never been as clear as the one tonight. I think the bond has been connecting us while I sleep and trying to...tell me, or warn me of something.” 

As she said it out loud, she briefly wondered if any of her dreams had been her own since Kylo Ren had entered her life. 

She grabbed Poe’s hand tightly, her voice low and urgent. “Wherever he is, he’s suffering, and I think he has been for awhile.”

Poe’s tanned face paIed slightly, his eyes widening slightly with realization. 

“What, Poe? What is it?”

“He usually checks in with me once a month. He missed this month. I didn’t think anything of it, but…” he shook his head and stood abruptly. “I’ll find out what I can. My father is known to both the Drakan and human ambassadors, I’ll ask him to put feelers out.”

He hesitated for a moment, apprehension written in every line of his face. “But Rey, you should know...Ben hasn’t been seen in the Drakan Court in over 10 years; not since he disappeared with Snoke. If they’ve avoided detection for this long…” he trailed off.

She nodded miserably in understanding. There was a miniscule chance that anyone would have information on his whereabouts. 

He knelt back down and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I have never, ever said this,” he admitted with a slight, self-deprecating smile, “but I really hope I’m wrong.”

She huffed out a laugh at his attempt to alleviate her mood. “I hope you’re wrong, too.”

“I admittedly don’t know everything about soulmate bonds, but I do know that fully bonded Drakan mates can speak telepathically, even over huge distances. Now, I don’t need the details,” he insisted, throwing up his hands as though to physically stop any sordid information from entering his ears, “but I assume you two aren’t fully bonded. Still, you seem to be connected in ways that I’ve never heard of. You might try to communicate with him. It’s probably a long shot, but if there’s any chance he can communicate back... it could be our best chance of helping him.” 

She bit her lip, contemplating Poe’s suggestion. It did seem like a longshot-their bond was still so unpredictable and unintentional- but she still felt the tight band of helplessness around her lungs relaxing slightly. It was at least something to  _ try _ instead of sitting here feeling useless.

She nodded. “I’ll try.”

And she'd pray to Kylo's Goddess, and every other deity in existence, that it would work.

* * *

A message from Poe arrived three days later. With the message was a long, hooded gray cloak.

_ I have a lead. Be ready to leave at sunset. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I think it goes without saying that this fic will be updated sporadically (but completed! I swear on Rian Johnson's Ep IX script, IT WILL BE FINISHED), but I've added it to the official summary. Anyone who has come back to read this after months of radio silence-you are heroes. I love you.
> 
> Hope you all and your loved ones are staying safe and healthy <3


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